


Scars To Your Beautiful

by Angel_Tortured



Series: Scars To Your Beautiful [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abuse, Canon Universe, Lance (Voltron) Whump, Lance (Voltron) is so Pure, Langst, M/M, Season/Series 05, Season/Series 06, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2019-06-05 16:52:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15175136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_Tortured/pseuds/Angel_Tortured
Summary: “... Like myself,” Shiro said. This is how it started.Lance wanted to help his leader, his hero. Someone he had huge respect and admiration for, in ways it seemed like he had a massive crush. Lately it had become hard, cold between them. He felt Shiro didn’t like him, compared to how he interacts with the other paladins. Lance was a sore in his side, someone he wanted to just get rid of. Although all Lance wanted was his approval, but he felt it no longer mattered. He put his feelings of rejection down, tend to Shiro’s needs.





	1. I Don't Feel Like Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Writer's note: This is not a love story, this isn't a fetish either. This fiction, is exaggerated due to the elements put in place, being space show. Things happen that are unhumanly, but could happen in that setting. I don't write this from a person "curious", I have lived this at some degree. This isn't a story I created from myself of course, but I take what my emotions and them to the story as a form of coping what has happened in my life. 
> 
> Process to recovery and seeking help is the point I am making. How to reach out, how to accept it. The process some survivors in abusive relationships must go through to escape. I would not read this if you are sensitive to non/con, self harm, abuse. But you have clicked this fic, so you must have been interested in the story. There is art work per chapter, once completed the chapter is posted. This is an approx 20 chapters, about 2,500-3,500 words a chapter.

“... Like myself,” Shiro said. This is how it started.

 

Lance wanted to help his leader, his hero. Someone he had huge respect and admiration for, in ways it seemed like he had a massive crush. Lately, it had become hard, cold between them. He felt Shiro didn’t like him, compared to how he interacts with the other paladins. Lance was a sore in his side, someone he wanted to just get rid of. Although all Lance wanted was his approval, but he felt it no longer mattered. He put his feelings of rejection down, tend to Shiro’s needs.

“It’s probably the lack of oxygen, you should sit down. We’ll get through this-”

“No.”

“No?” Lance’s face twisted.

“I do need something,” Shiro's eyes were heavy looking at him. Lance shrank underneath the glare, stumbling back against his door.

“What do you need? You know I’ll get you anything I can-”

“Good.” His voice was sharp, Lance's stomach turned at the tone. He didn’t like where this was going, but he tried to hold ground. Shiro didn’t feel good, maybe it was the voice of exhaustion. Shiro’s hands were now both sides of Lance’s head, his body became too close. Lance already had a hard time breathing without the extra body. “My air?” Lance croaked now nervous sweat down his neck. Shiro lowered his head, licking a strand over his collarbone. Lance gasped covering his neck, looking panicked.

“What are you doing!?” Lance shouted gaining a hand over his mouth.

“Shut up… I need this. You.. been so long… I need this connection again.” Shiro stammered against his neck, Lance relaxed a little, more out of guilt. He thought about it, it’s probably been a while since Shiro felt another person. It makes sense to want to feel someone up, but he could’ve asked Lance first. Shiro lifted his hand away seeing Lance cooperate with him.

“Yeah okay… You need to cuddle, that’s fine man. I need them too.”

“Cuddling?” Shiro rose an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I’m a great cuddler.”

“I wasn’t talking about cuddling, I need something more…” He licked his lips, making Lance shake again at how hungry Shiro looked. He felt his door open, hands grabbing him and tossing him about. He fell flat on the bed looking up at Shiro who seemed to not care how uncomfortable Lance was. “Shiro… the lack of oxygen, this isn’t normal…” He tried to say but shivered at the removal of his paladin armor. He picked up quickly what was happening.

“Shiro… don’t.”

“Please…”

“STOP!” Lance screamed out after being ignored, trying to kick him off. Laying in just a jock strap, his body ached from fear and anger. “Get off of me, stop it!”

“You said you’d give me anything, I want this. I need you to give me this, Lance. I would feel so close to you… I know I’ve been a jerk to you, but it’s because I have these feelings for you I can’t show in front of the team.” Lance stopped fighting him, looked up at the brawn.

“You do?”

“Yeah…” He ran his hands slower over Lance’s bare thighs. “You’re so pretty, and a tease. How can I not think of you like this? How many times I ache when you say my name, and how I want you to say it underneath me.”

“Shiro…” Lance blushed, but he was still really uncomfortable. “Yeah like that Lance…”

“I’m… I can’t do this.” Lance replied to him, trying to get up, but Shiro still held him down. “Please? I’m scared.”

“It’s just me, I know you’ve wanted this too.”

Lance turned his head away, looking in shame. “I don’t want it to hurt.”

“You’ll get over it.”

“Shiro, no. I’m not ready okay!” Lance groaned. “Why do you keep pushing me, ow it hurts. Get off!”

“Why are you being so difficult Lance, this why no one wants to hang out with you … Now I have to be more forceful. I was going to be easier, now you give me no choice. You really are a fucking tease.” His hand began moving between Lance’s legs. Lance breath stopped in his throat feeling metal prod enter him, making an unpleasant burning to the first few rings. He screamed, trying to push on Shiro’s chest to get him off. “Stop! No, no, no!” Shiro’s free hand pinned Lance’s above his head. Lance’s body twisted and squirmed, anything he could do to get out of his grip. He sobbed as the fingers worked in and out, he cried for him to stop. He gains a sigh of relief feeling it leave his body. His heart lifting up and down, trying to gain air from nothing. He heard the rustling of clothes, it was quick and blinding. He screams cracked making him a silent but his mouth dropped, he squeezed his eyes tight feeling him tear open. Shiro pushed all the way in, he let go of Lance’s hands to grab his legs, placing his knees to his chest. Crushing Lance’s body, forcing himself deeper into Lance. Lance sobbed and begged, gripping the sheets, pillows, anything to hold onto. This was miserable.

He didn’t know if it was because of the pain, or because Shiro was someone he did love, was hurting him. Why was Shiro hurting him? Shiro thrusts were fast, hard, and clearly mechanic. He was trying to hurt Lance, he was drilling into him like it was some mission.

He became compliant and stopped fighting when Shiro’s hands were around his neck. Lance was forced to look up into his face, the eyes were wrong… He watched Shiro’s heavy breathing, his body moved into him. Finally, it stopped. He thought it would never stop, but did. It stung, and Shiro’s mouth hung open as he shook. He came. Lance closed his eyes, mouth pouted, he wanted to leave.

Shiro pulled out, rolling over onto his back. “Thanks, I really needed that.”

“Yeah… don’t mention it.” Lance rolled onto his side, cringing feeling it drips. He rolled into his stomach, holding the sheets. Wanting Shiro to just go away. Shiro sat up climbing out of the bed to redress. “Look, the first time doesn’t feel good. It’ll feel better the more we do it.”

Lance's eyes went wide, more? He wanted to never have sex again. Is this how girls feel? Yeah, he is never going to do this again, this was awful. He hates sex, he hates how he feels. 

Shiro finally left, leaving Lance weeping alone. He pleads for the pain to stop, he wanted to take a shower, change his sheets. The castle systems were shut down, he would have to stay like this until Allura returns, or die like this.

Did Shiro do this because they might die, end of the world bang? Lance tried to tie logic to Shiro’s actions, why was he so cruel to Lance. What did he do wrong? What did Lance do  _right?_ What made Shiro want to take Lance, Lance didn't mean for Shiro to get the wrong idea. It had to be a misunderstanding. Shiro was kind and held to high morals. So this was okay... but why didn't Lance this it was?


	2. Acknowledging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance starts to realize what is happening, that it's wrong but isn't sure what to do about it.

Lance finally woke, lashes tangled together from the tears. He rubbed them dry, sitting up on the bed. He felt so much pain, his legs were sore feeling he had pulled a few things. The burning in his anus, he didn’t want to think about. The worst pain was in his abdomen, any movement he made was another sharp pain. Feeling he was being stabbed left to right.

Struggling he got up, stumbling to the bathroom to pee. Using the counter of the sink to hold himself up, it burned. He groaned rolling his head back, trying to just think what was wrong with him. He had no running water but thanked the space gods he kept wet wipes for removing his daily skin care off. He sat down on the toilet, grabbing a few, reaching to clean the burning spot. It hurt, it stung, but it felt better as he removed Shiro’s gunk. Clean body, clean head. He got up, closing the lid walking back inside his room to redress into his armor. As he just did stuff, it didn’t really seem to bother him as much. Maybe it was okay Shiro did that? He was the leader, an order is an order. Lance did say he would give him anything, Shiro wanted him. Maybe he should feel proud Shiro wanted him, he didn’t press anyone else. A string of false pride, hope. It was a sign of affection, Shiro must care about him at least he wanted to “feel a connection”. Also losing his virginity to Shiro, he should brag about it. The super hot leader, his hero that made Lance pretty thirsty wanted Lance’s virginity.

Lance didn’t feel too good as he should, he hated how he felt. It was pure shame, and guilt. What his mind told him he should be prideful, he felt disgusted physically. He left his room to rejoin the others, the air was seriously an issue. Barely making it inside before falling over the table to lay on, rolling onto his back gasping like a fish. The team couldn’t turn on the power, they were going to die, at least he won’t die a virgin.

He rolled his head back seeing the screen. “Guys look it’s Allu-” Before passing out again.

* * *

  


The air had returned, Lance’s joy sparked seeing her again and okay. He couldn’t stop himself from wanting to hug her, she was alive. She’s okay. He was so happy but stopped in his tracks, her lips on Lotor’s. Her eyes how she looked at him, she wore such admiration and love for. She looked at him, the way Lance looked at her. He froze dropping his arm that had been floating. He sunk his head down, staring at the ground. “I’m glad you made it out, and you’re back.” He turned around walking out, it didn’t seem to matter. No one noticed anyway.

He finally felt the pain again, looking outside his door. His head screamed and quick flashes and parts. Shiro’s mouth on his neck, the pushing and shoving. The yelling and begging. Just blurs, and it felt like he was a spin ride at the fair. The ground was gone and he was going to puke, falling to the ground his vision was seeing double. His heart raced rehearing Shiro’s moans and breath in his ears. Covering them and shaking his head, shutting his eyes. Seeing Allura kiss Lotor, his heart shattering all over again. Clinging onto his chest, pulling off the chest plate. Bringing his knees up, balled fistfuls of hair, gritting his teeth as he screamed into the empty hallway.

He didn’t understand why he felt this way, why did Shiro did hurt so much? Why was Allura with Lotor, how?

He crawled into the room, it was no better for his thoughts. The bed was wet, it was gross with cum, something he was sure was blood, shit, and piss. He ripped the sheets off, he tossed in the laundry shoot. He’s had wet dreams, not the first gross sheets, he was a whole new level of just. GROSS.

He sighed pulling on the new sheets, laying on top of them. He looked up at his ceiling, he felt the pain again and his throat closes up. He didn’t move, but it felt like he was, he could feel his body ache and move up and down on the bed. His wrists hurting and his nails digging into his palms. He tried to breathe, count to ten. He couldn’t do it. Getting up, changing his clothes to sweats and a hoodie. Still not feeling any better.

He went for the shower, that now worked. Standing in the hot steam, looking at the bruises starting to show up. Hummed unamused, rubbing a few annoyingly that made it feel it was stains on his skin. The skin he loves worshipped in self-care. He couldn’t look at it, wanted a different body. He hated it, wanted to hurt it.

Lance washed his hair, grunting at sliding fingers inside himself to remove weird clumps of a gel-like substance. He wondered if Shiro used lube, Lance was too busy wanting him off he didn’t notice any prep besides tearing him open with that stupid Galra arm.

Scrubbing his skin, until his golden tan became redder and perkily, he got out of the shower. A washcloth against the mirror, seeing himself look awful. The bags under his eyes from the stress, the faint bruises around his neck. A bruise on his cheek, probably during the fighting he might’ve hit himself. Thumbprints in his thighs near his knees, where he was held. He was hideous and wanted to peel his skin off. He took his premiere and foundation, mostly used for normal acne. He began to cover them, out of sight, out of mind… right?

He clothed in the hoodie again, but couldn’t bring himself to the bed. He laid on the floor just staring at it. In some out of body, imagining what it looked like when Shiro fucked him. Lance squirming and screaming, no one caring to come. Why would they? He wasn’t in danger, he was with Shiro… He curled into himself on the cold floor. He shook what was left inside him, tears that were unshed, dangling on the lashes. “I should be happy, I gave that part of me to Shiro. Why do you care so much? How many people can say they screwed the sexy hot leader of Voltron?” Lance told himself. “You must’ve wanted it, he wouldn’t have done that if you didn’t. Stop being a baby already. Why are you even surprised about Allura, all you do is annoy her. Shiro wanted to feel that with you.”

Trying to just didn’t help, he really wanted to just talk to someone. Someone to tell him what he was saying, that it was okay. Shiro had his reasons and to stop crying over it. He couldn’t take the ground, it hurt on his tired body. Sliding out of his room, he walked past Keith’s room. He opened the door, feeling some sort of relief inside. Maybe Keith would get it, get what it’s like feeling alone without knowing how to talk. He sat on the made bed, untouched in months. He missed him. Lance hadn’t realized how close he was to Keith until he left. He moved to lay down, wondering what Keith was doing right now. If he was laying in his bed at the Blade’s base? Training? Some mission? Whatever it was far away from here, Lance wanted to be far from here. He wanted to be home, forget about everything returns to the arms of his family.

He curled under the blankets, nestled inside seeking some comfort. Breathing in the smell, it was odd. It wasn’t that he had some creep crush, more at the moment he needed comfort from someone. Smelling something that wasn’t him, holding the pillow. It felt like what he needed, someone to hold him.

* * *

  


Next few days were hard, he avoided everyone and his room. Ate, slept, showered, in Keith’s room. Trained alone, which helped distract his head from the flashes and sounds. He trained reckless and long hours, Allura had said was becoming impressive level. Within a week of strict training, the serenity that came from Keith’s room, his level was now on Keith’s. His stats becoming equal, yet he didn’t care. All he did was compete with him, now he’s gone. It was a stupid number anyway.

His avoidance after the 9th day had become noticeable. The team began to force themselves into his daily routine, but he mostly ignored and brush them off coldly. Shiro was the worst, it caused Lance to panic around him, it made his heart race fast or stop. Shiro had joined him in a training sequence, pointing out Lance hesitation to fight him. The team watched Lance struggle to focus on fighting Shiro. Knocking Lance’s sword out of his hand, a swipe that threw Lance’s legs off the ground. He laid on his back as Shiro pinned him from above, Shiro’s hands tight around his wrists. He was frozen at first, Shiro shifted, he felt it. Lance started to stutter, which became full outcries. The team watched confused, Shiro got off of him asking him what was wrong. Lance wanted to be nowhere near Shiro, let alone feel his dick again. The team crowded him, he shoved past them rubbing his eyes. “Just get away from me!”

He didn’t think about where he was running to, going to his room. It was an easy mistake, his and Keith were next to each other. He held his pillow screaming into it, not hearing the door open.

“Lance, this behavior is getting out of hand,” Shiro said closing the door behind him. “What’s wrong with you, you’re acting a lot like Keith. Avoiding everyone, outbursts, it’s just childish.”

“I don’t know… just go away, please.” Lance curled in more, Shiro sat on the bed reaching over to pet his hair. Lance flinched but didn’t move much more. Shiro got closer to him, eventually laying on the bed beside him. His arm wrapped around him, pulling Lance’s to his chest. He was firm at moving him but gentle. He brushed his fingers in Lance’s hair more, Lance closed his eyes and hummed. He melted into him, seeking comfort he’s wanted for so long.

“I should’ve… I should’ve been more gentle. It was your first, I used you pretty hard. Next time I’ll go slower.” Lance frowned, he didn’t want the next time. He wasn’t even sorry for doing it, holding Lance down, forcing himself into him.

Shiro moved his hands over Lance’s body, he shivered. He did this before, he tricked Lance into thinking it might be good. He won’t fall for it again, but he was. How Shiro held him, he wanted it so bad. He wanted to be loved, adored, taken care of. “Let’s talk, what’s wrong Lancey Lance?”

Lance was quiet, his body shifted uncomfortably. Was Shiro really clueless, did he actually think what happened was okay? Maybe it was… Shiro is smart, Lance well… he wasn’t. He probably thought about it wrong, maybe he did like it and he wanted to hate it because he was in love with Allura. Feeling he cheated, but how can he? They weren’t together, and she was never into him. She’s with someone else. What was the guilt, and shame then? Was it because he wasn’t good enough in bed, he was sobbing and a baby about it?

“I feel gross…” Lance mumbled in his arms. “I don’t like how it felt. It was gross.”

“I will use protection next time, I was kinda in a hurry thinking it was our last moments. I wanted it with you.” Shiro’s words were soft, Lance hated it. He didn’t like Shiro made him feel loved, but at the same time hated. Shiro rolled Lance to face him, he cupped his cheek. “I’ll be gentle this time.”

Leaning down, he kissed Lance’s lips softly. Lance froze unsure how to respond, he was stuck if he wanted to move. He knew he couldn’t fight him, he just laid there as Shiro sucked his face. Lance’s eyes darting around the room, he wondered what he could use to distract himself. Feeling Shiro palming between his legs, making him squirm in his hold. His hand got harder at rubbing, making Lance moan. He began to pull down the gym shorts and wrap his fingers around him. Lance couldn’t really see with Shiro so close blocking the view. He moaned again, covering his mouth as Shiro began to stroke him. He groaned as he squeezed and pull on him tighter. Lance wrapped his arms over Shiro’s wide shoulders, hating how he enjoyed this. “ _Shiro_ …” He moaned, arching against his hand. He tightened his hands into his back.

“That feel better?”

“ _Uh huh_ …” Lance nodded blushing, as he felt himself get close. He gasped spilling over his hand, Shiro laughing at him. “That took you what? A minute? You didn’t even cum last time, you peed yourself. Must be an improvement.”

Lance's shoulders bunched up, he turned red, shaking in shame. He dropped his hands to cover his face, he peed? That was what was on the bed… he knew it, he can’t believe he lost his virginity and he peed himself like an excited dog. Shiro cleaned his hand off, moving his fingers to Lance’s ass. He closed up real quick. “NO!”

“No? Lance, I made you cum, you fucking owe me. What the fuck man?”

“Can’t I just give you a handjob back? I don’t like being touched there… it hurts.”

“Lance, I’ll go slow this time. Really make you feel me, I want to get closer to you.”

“You can ask me out on a date… I didn’t sign up for friends with benefits. I don’t even remember signing up the first time.”

“I promise to make it feel good,” he pushed a finger in making Lance twist his neck growling frustrated. “Fighting me is what caused it to hurt, just relax. You are making yourself tight, it’s your fault why it hurt.”

Lance groaned but forced himself to comply, maybe it will feel better. He really didn’t want to do this again but allowed it. He breathed, he picked at his nails focusing on something other than Shiro’s thick fingers digging into a not willing hole. He grunted now and then at the pain, but it wasn’t as bad as before. Also, Shiro wasn’t using a fucking drill to force a hole into him. Shiro pulled out, moving to get on top of Lance, who just wore a face of pure annoyance at Shiro. He pressed the tip to the entrance. “I thought you’d wear a condom…”

“Next time,” he pushed in making Lance move up the bed from the thrust.

* * *

  


“Next time, Next time, he says…” Lance groaned pulling his shirt and pants on. “It won’t hurt, I’ll use protection, I’ll go gently. Does he? NO! I’m pretty sure he broke the bed…” Lance crawled onto his knees looking underneath finding broken springs. “Ugh, how am I going to explain this to Coran? Sorry, Shiro was fucking me too hard that we broke the bed. Just fucking dammit, really the sheets again?” He pulled them off angry, tearing them. He threw them on the ground kicking them. “He promises to be nice, and he just fucks me and leaves. _I liked when we were cuddling_ …” he mumbled. Sitting down on the floor with a pout, he supposed this time didn’t hurt as much because he knew how it felt. It still didn’t feel really great like Shiro promised. This was frustrating and complicated, he tried to think of this if he was someone else. Or in Shiro’s place. He can’t imagine climbing on someone who shoved and clawed at him, begging him to stop. Let alone in the first place trying to do that to a friend, or lover. He would take them on dates, cherish them. They would talk about it first! Not just go at it, without any communication. He wanted… he wanted his first time to mean something.

He was a sap, but he wanted it to be after a long amazing night. Walking along the stars, having dinner, laughing about stories they talk about. They’d end up watching a movie, it would start small like a kiss, to move into more. He’d ask them if they wanted to if they were ready. Probably be dating for a few weeks, or months with lots of making out in the meantime.

He hated how that day went, he hated he still had feelings for Allura. How it hurts everytime he sees Lotor with her. He didn’t know how to express how he felt anymore, really to anyone. What was this thing between him and Shiro? He couldn’t figure it out. It was complicated and confusing. Shiro was clear he only wanted Lance for sex, he wasn’t into giving him a proper relationship. He pulled out the communicator device which allowed him to find well anything. He has data collected on porn, he can find relationship advice.

“Okay, so what does it mean when I have sex after I say no?”

“7 Things That Can Be Rape.”

“Is It Rape If You Say Yes?”

“Is it Rape…”

Lance read the article titles, felt a twist in his stomach. It wasn’t that, he knew Shiro. It wasn’t some stranger at a party, he wasn’t raped. He can’t be, Shiro was his hero, leader, friend. It doesn’t count as rape if they are friends right? Clicking the first one.  


“7 Things That Can Be Rape, by Bustle.com. Okay…

 

Lance read these and felt it related to him, but Shiro wasn’t his boyfriend. Maybe it was different if they weren’t dating, his stomach twisted more. Clicking the other article from bustle about sexual coercion.

He kept reading, it felt so accurate. It wasn’t rape, Shiro isn’t a rapist. It’s a misunderstanding. Shiro wouldn’t do that, he was the good guy. It’s not rape.

“Is it rape if…” He trailed off his eyes darting over the page, feeling guilt, a burden.  


_If someone forces (physically or otherwise) any kind of sexual activity on you—after you’ve told that person no or ****were unable to tell that person no—then it’s rape or sexual assault. It’s rape, even if…_

 

Lance threw the device against the room. He couldn’t anymore, his hands covering his face. He understood what was happening, but no idea what to do. He was scared, Shiro was bigger and could easily hurt him. Worst of all... Shiro was his leader, his hero, his friend... He didn’t want to tell the team because they wouldn’t believe him, he doesn’t even believe himself. Hurt Voltron? Wouldn’t he hurt everyone if he confronted what was wrong? He wept, the 50th time this week.

 

Acknowledging it, is the first step…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.bustle.com/articles/141289-7-things-that-can-be-rape-even-if-you-were-taught-to-think-that-they-cant
> 
> https://www.bustle.com/articles/67926-is-it-rape-if-you-say-yes-5-types-of-sexual-coercion-explained
> 
> https://sexetc.org/info-center/post/is-it-rape-if/
> 
> Here are some things to keep in mind:  
> No means no. When you say no to any sexual suggestion or advance, the person should stop immediately. If something is happening that you don’t want to happen, say, “No,” and, if possible, move physically away from the person. But, also remember, that not saying no isn’t consent. Put another way, even if you don’t say, “No,” that doesn’t mean that you have consented. Only saying “yes” is giving consent, and if you do not feel comfortable saying “no,” then “yes” has no meaning.  
> It is never the fault of the person who was raped, abused or assaulted. Sometimes, people will blame the victim for the abuse the victim has endured. Dressing a certain way does not mean that you “asked for it,” and it’s not true that people can’t control their sexual urges. There’s no excuse for disrespecting another person’s boundaries. Rape and assault are always the fault of the person who chose to violate another person.  
> Everyone has choices. People make all kinds of choices. When people are getting sexually excited and one person wants to stop, the other has two choices: respect the person’s wishes or keep pushing. Forcing another person into any kind of sex is sexual assault or rape, and it’s against the law.  
> You never have to do anything sexual you don’t want to do. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been in a relationship with a person or how long you’ve known them. It doesn’t matter if you’ve already had sex. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in the middle of something sexual already. If you don’t want to do something sexually, you have the right to say no. If someone doesn’t respect that limit, and forces you to engage in sexual behaviors then it’s considered rape or sexual assault.  
> If you or someone you know has been raped or sexually assaulted, tell someone and get help. Go to a trusted adult—parent, teacher, counselor, clergy—or contact the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network’s (RAINN<) 24-hour hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).


	3. Smile Like You Mean It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance's mental state is becoming undone. His only form of safety is in comfort of Keith's room. Feeling so much isolation, and being alone. He creates what he needs to not be so alone. Humming along to Keith's playlist, forcing a smile, as his world feels like it's falling apart around him. Even Red seems to abandon him.

It was becoming a habit. 

 

Food, train, rape, shower, bed. Every other day, fight the Galra factions. Between things he had to connect with the team, he became silent during meals. He didn’t engage, nor did anyone try. No one really wanted to, not for the new attitude he carried, but he just didn’t fit with anyone. He no longer could fake the smile, he didn’t see the point, no one noticed. The team, well Pidge especially was making it harder on Lance to cope. Pointing out he’s loud, and “OH SHIROOOO,” randomly at the table. Shiro didn’t even try to shut her up. He told Lance over a **not** hot steamy hate fuck that he likes when Lance screams,  it makes him feel more have power over him. The team now knew  because of his pornographic mouth that begged to get fucked, taking that moment to fuck his mouth. Lance hated it and vomited the first time. Shiro laughed at him.

He did the second time as well, but Shiro didn’t stop this time. Leading Lance to choke and burn his throat from the acid, causing him to have a sore voice for a few days. Shiro found ways to not make him numb, Lance tried so hard to let it become a pattern. He could prepare, it was always different, a new form of pain. 

Some days Shiro didn’t even touch him, held him in bed holding him gently. This was the worst of them all, his heart would never stop racing. Waiting for him to touch him, and he wouldn’t. Lance would try to start the act to get the fear of anticipation over.

“Please… I need you, to touch me now,” Lance begged to hold onto Shiro’s thick arm. Tears swelling sitting on the bed on his knees. “Fuck me… please.”

“Get off me, Lance!” Shiro would shove him off, backhanding him. “Why so desperate? Are you really such a begging bitch you need to be fucked every day?”

Lance nodded, holding his cheek. “ _Please, Shiro_ … I want to get it over with. Please do it already!”

“Uh, you are such a freak… Jesus, do you have any dignity?”

No… You stole that from me.

“ _Shiro…_ ” He pleaded. Still nothing.

The waiting was the worst torture, when it never came it filled him with more fear of what future plans Shiro had for him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

He would sneak into Keith’s room  after each time, feeling his clothes. Holding the pillows imagining he was there to put Shiro into place. He started wearing Keith’s jacket as he slept as a form of security blanket. He felt safe with it, he needed it. His hair began to grow out, he started to care less about taking care of his skin. He hated it, so why bother protecting the thing he hates. He listened to Keith’s music, laying in his bed wondering what they would talk about with him there. That they both enjoy similar music, listening to music that can say how you feel. One song in particular on The Killers album really got to him, he listened to it as he practices smiling as he would cry. His tremors and tears roll down his face, as he forced himself to laugh.

Sometimes he would talk out loud as if he were talking to Keith, would laugh at what Keith might say. It started to become realistic, and obsessive-like Keith was there. Keith would talk back to him, comfort him after the attacks. He was going insane with each day,  . He would spend time talking to him for hours, and avoided leaving Keith’s room.

“Honestly you should tell someone.”

“As if. What am I going to say? The boy scout, a shiny knight in armor is fucking the major loser on the team. A, no one would believe me. B, Everyone already knows they just think it’s consent.”

“Well what about Allura, she seems to pick up Shiro isn’t normal.”

“No, I can’t…”

“Look I get you are in love or whatever. She would be so pissed if you kept that the leader of Voltron, her legacy, is being led a rapist.”

“Shiro isn’t a rapist… he just rapes me. ”

“Do you even hear yourself?” Keith shouted at him. “You are talking to a fucking wall! You are going insane, you need to talk to someone.”

“Hey,” Lance lifted a mixed track throwing it towards Keith. “White Rabbit, kinda perfect. I’m insane right?”

“It’s about drugs.”

“Hallucinations, I’m not that insane. I know you aren’t real, you are a fragment from stress and lack of sleep.”

“Oh my god... “ Keith groaned. “I wish I could punch you.”

“Go for it, Shiro broke a rib already throwing me against that desk.”

“He didn’t break it… And I’m not here dumbass.” Lance shrugged, dozing off in the bed listening to deep lyrical metaphors, oddly match how he felt. Falling asleep, but woke in a few hours. He listened to the song skipping. Turning off the stereo, taking the mp3 to walk around the sleeping castle. He came to the bridge watching the stars dance with the music in the headphones. “Dance with m e,” Lance gestured to Keith leaning against the Black Lion’s chair. Pushing himself off the chair to take Lance into his arms. Them swaying to the beat, Lance chuckling and smile bright.

“You know this smile is a lie, you’re dying of depression, Lance.”

“So? I die, you come back. Win-win.”

“No, it’s not a win. You don’t deserve to die.”

“Is it because I’m supposed to live with Shiro fucking me as I cry until I lose my voice. _Sounds a lot better than death Keith_ …”

“You need to sleep, you’re going to kill yourself.”

“We should go to the pool.”

“We should not.”

“For good time’s sake?” Lance pulled him along down the halls humming the music, he forgot his way. Dark corners in his vision as he yawned and tripped into a wall. He just appeared in the pool, he stumbled around the edge. “Lance stand back,” Keith growled. “You’re going to drown.”

“Oh if I did this? What are you going to do Keith, stop me?” He leaned over the edge, Keith jumped forward causing Lance to fall in the pool. His clothes floating and shifted as he sank. Feeling like he was falling through the air, then CLUNK. He gasped, swallowing water as he smacked his head on the floor of the pool. Quickly trying to swim up, gripping the edge vomiting the water up, dragging himself out. His was panting, drenched in water heavy clothes making it hard for him to breath. Passing out. 

 

 

* * *

 

**EARLIER:**

 

“Have you noticed Lance being odd?” Allura asked the morning after Lance took his food and left. The team shrugged. “Well it’s no secret he liked you, he’s just upset.”

“I don’t understand, he and Shiro are courting each other.” She said Shiro, chuckled shaking his head. “No, we’re not. It’s nothing personal  between us.”

“How more personal can you get, both really getting to know the inside of the anus pretty well.” Pidge snorted. “Maybe he’s embarrassed, his ego being the total loud bottom.”

“I think we should do another bonding exercise, maybe to help regain his confidence. He’s acting a lot like Keith, and has spent a lot of time in his room.”

“Aw, he misses Keith!” Hunk said. “I miss Keith too, maybe we should ask him to come by.”

“ ” Shiro said coldly. “He’s made his choice over us, he wouldn’t want to come by for dinner. Maybe life or death, but he’s not needed.”

“Geez okay, things not good between you two?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lance woke up in the pod, stumbling out moaning rubbing his head. Quickly was pushed back against the glass, blinking to see Shiro holding his arm to Lance’s neck. “What are you-”

“Have a nice swim?” Shiro growled , grabbing his hair making him yelp. He struggled against him, he whined wanting to be let go. “No, stop.”

“Oh shut up, Lance,” Shiro slapped him. Lance pouted, blinking his eyes scared. “Get to your lion, you pathetic fucking idiot.” Shoving Lance hard, making him trip. Lance stumbled upright quickly running away. The team was practicing forming a stronger bond, like when they went to the astral plane. Since Lance was in there the longest, assumed he would be able to again.

He barely looked at the glares,   about him falling in the pool. He was an idiot, he knew. He climbed into Red, curling shyly in the seat, she was growling. He whimpered at her disapproval of him. “I know, I know, Keith should be here not me…” He said quickly, but he heard her voice tell him no. He was meant to be here, her growl is at the impostor. “Impostor? ” He asked, but she went silent. Launching off into space, Shiro yelled form Voltron. It didn’t happen.

“LANCE!” Pidge barked. “What the hell did you do!?”

“I didn’t do anything!”

“No this is your fault,” Shiro growled. “You are the one acting weird, and going insane. I don’t know because you’re jealousy of Lotor or Keith. Get over it.” Shiro yelled at him on the intercom, Lance looked stunned. “Stop being such a baby, you are annoying everyone. The world doesn’t revolve around you, you fucking dumb ass.”

“Shiro…” Allura said calmly. She watched on the screen Lance bowing his head, his hands gripping the controls, body shaking. “ _Lance?_ ”

“Shiro is right… I am stupid, I will try harder. I’m sorry.” His voice unsteady, hurt, aching in his throat.

“God, are you crying?” Shiro groaned. “ _Do you ever stop?_ ”

“No, I’m not. Shut up, you jerk.” Lance rubbed his eyes under the visor. “Let’s just go again, okay?” The went into the formation, another failure . Shiro demanded they land, Lance didn’t want to get out. He was going to get hurt. “Get Out. **Now**.” Shiro stomped.

“No… I need to bond with Red, make it work.”

“Do that later, get out now. Everyone else leaves- **GET OUT!”** He screamed making everyone scatter. Lance squirmed out, knowing what Shiro was going to do. Feeling the pull on his collar, strip of his clothes. Pushing him against the hanger wall, lifting Lance up around his waist. Lance knew to hold tight, he cried as he was shoved into the wall over and over. Feeling his back scratch and bleed against the concrete. Shiro dropped him on the ground. “You’re not worth finishing,” taking his mouth holding his chin tight. Lance tried to get out of the grasp, being pushed into the wall. Shiro’s hand holding Lance’s hair, shoving his cock into his mouth.

_Bite him…_ He heard in Keith’s voice. His head hit the wall with each thrust, making him lose awareness. _Not Shiro… He wouldn’t…_

“ ** _I would never do this, Lance. Never. Believe that._**  ” Lance jumped in shock hearing Shiro in his head, biting hard. Shiro yelped, Lance, spat him out running fast out of the hanger. Keith’s voice was replaced by… Shiro? He held his head stumbling into the lounge, the team waiting. “You okay?” Hunk asked Lance took two steps before flopping over onto his face.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Shiro!” Allura yelled. “This new attitude, of harsher punishment is enough. Lance is in distress. His heart rate is erratic! _He’s terrified of you_.”

“I know… I’m sorry.” He said quietly. “I got out of hand… He’s in love with me . It’s his heart, he is insecure because I don’t have the time to put in a relationship. He begs to be close to me, wanting me to do this stuff to him. It’s a sexual punishment … It makes me very uncomfortable how he forces himself on me. You understand, Lance’s advances?”

“... You are right, sorry I assumed your attention. Make sure it doesn’t interfere anymore, we might need to call Keith if Lance can no longer be a pilot.”

“Yeah…”

* * *

 

 

“ _Smile like you mean it… Smile like you mean it_ …” Lance hummed on Keith’s bed with a giant smile, the tears trailing down his face. Keith laid next to him holding his hand. “ _Smile like you mean it… Smile like you mean it_ … 

 


	4. Reaching Out Part 1

Lance laid in Keith’s bed, humming along to the song he learned to adore. Keith holding his hand. It felt real, the electric,  the skin. He loved how Keith felt, he turned over to look at Lance.

“I miss you, Lance,” Keith said smiling.

“I miss you,” Lance blushed. “I really wish you were here. I could use you.”

“Hey, Lance.”

“Yep.”

“Are you falling in love with me?” Keith asked scooting closer.

“I don’t… I don’t know, actually. Maybe.”

“I want to kiss you,” Keith said shyly.

“Oh?” Lance sat up looking at the fragment.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Okay, I guess.”

“I need a yes, I won’t if you don’t want it.” 

“I do want it…Yes,” Keith leaned in, letting Lance close between them. It was real, feeling the cracks in his lips, the taste, it was real. Keith pulled away, kissing his cheek. “Thank you,” Lance smiled.

“Can I have sex with you?” Keith asked boldly, Lance got up looking at him confused. “What?”

“Can I have sex with you, only if you say yes.”

“You’re not real though…”

“I’m as real as you make me, you felt that didn’t you? The kiss.”

“Yeah, it was weird.”

“Can I have sex with you, I want to show I love you.”

“Keith…” Lance turned red. “I think Shiro would know.”

“Screw him, I want to love you. I just want you to feel safe enough, that you can say yes.” Lance looked down but nodded. “I do… I want you a lot, Keith.”

 Keith climbed onto his lap, wrapping his arms around him. “Tell me if you need to stop, this is meant to feel good,” Keith said pulling his pants down, with underwear. Slowly lowering himself onto Lance, Lance moaned out rolling his head back. It was slow, but Keith moved up and down without much effort. He moaned Lance’s name, telling him he loved him. Lance teared up, wanting to be loved. “Keith are you okay?” He was concerned if he was hurting Keith. Keith nodded, smiling in awe. He rode up and down faster, his breath quickened. “Lance… Lance… Lance!” Lance gasped in the air as he rocked up matching Keith’s movements. He closed his eyes, moaning at how Keith made him feel. He released, opening his eyes to Keith gone, but his hand around his dick. White dribbling all over his hand and lap. He grumbled, disappointed. Heartbreak, hearing someone say they love him as they made love to him. Wanted him to feel comfortable, and willing. Keith didn’t force it… He wanted that.

 

* * *

  

Lance needed to talk, he needed to come forward. Lotor had recently arrived visiting on the alliance, Lance wanted to punch him. Just because he needed something to punch. 

He glides his blade through the bot, kicks spring off as he pulled the blade out, yelling as he went down through the last level 17 bot. He pooled sweat, panting in rage. His hair falling in his face, he let out a scream of frustration tossing his blade angry at his life. He needed something real, something he can hurt. Hurt something like he was. Getting up, grabbing his bottle of water, not bothering to grab his Bayard. It wasn’t like he needed it outside training, he can’t kill Shiro, although it has floated in his head lately. If Lance wasn’t allowed to die, then maybe the rapist. Of course, it would be, Lance tried so hard to refuse Shiro was like this. It made sense,   Keith loved him in a way only fucked up kids codependency did, worshipping their abuser, Stockholm syndrome. Then the military background, evidence right there. No secret Garrison commanders fucked students, blackmailing them for grades. Lance may be a virgin before Shiro, but he wasn’t that much of a virgin. He knew for a long time that talking wasn’t the only thing he used his mouth for. Shiro was trained by these people, so he was now showing his true colors. The leader of doting teens, he just wanted to fuck all their virgin asses. Probably took Keith’s too.

He now sat at the table chewing on some space bug Hunk cooked tasting like pork. As his hair began to dry from sweat, it curled and spiked random places. He had taken to really faking again, his smiles. Lance also took to stealing Coran’s sleep medication so he would stop seeing Keith from sleep deprivation.

Time passes, things happen he doesn’t remember. Shiro was not pounding him daily, was more focused on Lotor’s plans. Good, what a leader should do… He sighed at the conversations that didn’t involve him, feeling bored. Unable to take so many bots before it gets old, he pronounced he would be going to visit the mermaids again feeling the best use of his team is to confirm alliances. Allura couldn’t agree more but said she should go since Blue is the best lion for the planet. Lance was finally excited about something, a travel with Allura.

They were to leave later in the day after more talking with Lotor…

 

He walked back to Keith’s room, it started to stop smelling like him for how often Lance visited. It became duller. He didn’t care, having his pillow and jacket was good enough for him. Although he didn’t see Keith from lack of sleep, he appeared when he was most needed…  

 

* * *

 

 

Listening to a podcast about abuse, and resources he could call. He couldn’t he was in space and had no one. Lance heard them talk about family and friends, reaching out to someone for help. He started a journal, logging each event and details he can remember. The position, the sexual act, what Shiro was mad about that time. Writing about the first time, and his process of discovering it was rape.

He pulled on the baseball tee, laced up his converse shoes making his way to the kitchen. Pidge and Hunk discussed modules and components. Wearing a big sappy grin. “Hey guys, what are you doing?” He sat up on the counter, sticking his finger in the cake batter.

“Over module components, on the X, Y plane on the velocity of time x speed. You wouldn’t get it, it’s too advance.” Pidge pointed her glasses up, Lance shrug. “I did get into the Garrison, you have to have some brain in order to do it, by the way. It’s not like they enrolled me in my piloting skills alone. How else did I get in?”

“I don’t know, cheated?”

“AH, RUDE. _I was in the cargo class_ but that only meant I had a team of just me, I learned my way around the engine and communication. If you get stranded you are on your own. Give me some respect. Now, are you looking at the components related to a certain planets gravitational pull or what?” Pidge and Hunk blinked at him, unsure how to respond.

“... anyway, we’re kinda already got it covered.” Pidge said going back to her work, slightly confused by Lance. Lance turned to Hunk. “You need any help baking?”

“No, I got it covered just need to pour it the cake pan. Not much else to do.”

“Well, I can lick the bowl for you,” Lance chimed. Hunk made a face. “Nah it’s all good- oh Pidge try the x over y by 6x?” Hunk pointed to the screen, Pidge jumped.

“That’s it, team punk does it again!” They cheered high fiving, Lance just sat there. “Whatever happened to the Garrison Trio?” Lance asked.

“Well we’re not at the Garrison anymore,” Hunk said rubbing his neck.

“Also you haven’t really made an effort to really hang out with us, you’ve been with Shiro mostly. Garrison Trio? Is down to two because you ditched us for a guy.” Pidge explained.

“It’s… It’s not like that,” Lance looked down unsure how to talk.

“Right, it’s just sex. Shiro explained it, you’re like obsessed with wanting a relationship so you throw yourself at him.”

“What? ” Lance looked up brows furrowed. “No, that’s not true at all. Yeah, I want a real relationship, I’m not into this ‘thing’ we have. I’m the one who doesn’t want to have sex.”

“Pfft, yeah right. We can hear you through the walls, you sound to be really enjoying it.”

“You mean to tell me ‘Loverboy Lance’ isn’t into sex with tight shirt Shiro ?” Pidge added. Lance pouted getting off the counter, huffing. “Ugh fuck you guys.” Storming out. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, Coran!” Lance spun in a chair next to him searching for something. “Trying to find the mice?”

“No, some of my altean sleepwort went missing I must’ve misplaced it…”

“Oops… well anyway, I was wondering if you need any help on the castle.”

“Aren’t you afraid it’s haunted?”

“Tssh, I ain’t afraid of no ghost. Besides I sorta been looking for someone to talk to, I kinda having trouble…”

“I know… You don’t clean your sheets. I understand it’s a human function, to need of mating with each other for social aspects. I happen to be the one to clean them, it’s quite gross, humans are worse than the slippery. You especially.”

“I’ve tried to get Shiro to put on a condom like 10 times. He won’t!”

“He says you take it off him, something needed to be closer?”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Coran?” Lance yelled frustrated. “Geez does everyone believe his lies, I need to find Allura I should get going soon.” He stormed towards the royal wing to Allura’s room, not thinking he barged in. “Allura, we need to tal-” He froze coming eye to eye with Lotor, Allura bent over the bed hair a mess. Both very naked, his eyes shuffled between the two equally shocked Altean and half Altean.

Lance's heart clenched tight, he stormed out on brink of tears calling names to himself. He hated everything, he wanted to just leave. Rubbing his eyes as he ran into a wall, no not a wall, Shiro. Lance felt arms around him, he sobbed out wanting his ache to go away. Shiro held him tight as Lance leaned over in tears. Sitting on the ground cradling his head, Shiro pulling him into his lap. Rocking and cooing him, thick arms and legs trapping him. Lance screamed and wailed for the pain to end.

“Let me go! I rather die, I’ll fucking kill myself if you do it again. I can’t… I’m going insane, Shiro, please… I think I’m dying, everything hurts, things keep happening. I want it to end. Please let me go, or let me die.” Lance cried against his chest. “I wish you just could love me, wish I wasn’t just a sex toy. I wish I was worth being treated like a person, I’m not… I’m worthless, the team hates me. I’m leaving, you can have Keith back. I know that’s what you wanted all along. Was he better at fucking huh? You fucked him too didn’t you Shiro!” Lance spat shaking.

Shiro let him go… He booked it towards the lions. He didn’t know what was happening he needed to just leave. He climbed inside Red, she knew where he needed to go. He let her just take over, not caring where just anywhere but here. He fell asleep, from the long day.

 

* * *

 

 

“Lance?” A voice said on the screen, making him shift awake. “LANCE!”

“Huh?” He rubbed his eyes seeing Keith on the screen in his BOM suit looking shocked. “Are you, you?”

“Ugh yeah? What the hell are you doing here!?” Keith yelled at him, Lance shrugged. “I.. I don’t know actually.”

“You don’t know?” Keith rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, Red brought me here. I can’t be-be with Voltron anymore… I think she came here to get you.” Keith looked warily but opened the passage to the base. Lance coward in the chair, he let her land. Galra were not happy to see her, after the last time. Lance got out, Keith greeted him. “What’s wrong with Voltron?”

“Just things… I’m not a fit. Can you believe it? I’m the loner.”

“You were always the loner Lance, it’s why you hanged out with me so much,” Keith smirked turning to have Lance follow him. “So you what just missed me?”

Lance hung his head. “It wasn’t a ‘just’... Things got bad without you.”

“What do you mean bad?” Keith looked at him looking ready for a kill. “We need to speak alone, without the other hoods around…” Lance whispered. Keith shuffled but nodded. They walked in silence through the purple halls, until reaching Keith’s sleeping quadrant. He leaned on the wall, gestured Lance to sit on the bed. “So what’s going on?”

“...Okay, where do I start? I lost my virginity?” Lance shrugged, Keith put his hand up cringing as in TMI. “To Shiro…”

“What?” Keith asked blinking. “That is a pretty lame joke.”

“It’s true… We’ve I guess been active together. More him than me, I guess it only takes one to do it.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Never mind, it’s stupid.  I just don’t have anyone to talk to. Allura is having SEX with Lotor, Pidge and Hunk have black sheep me, Coran thinks I’m a dirty scum. No one to talk to… One of the nights I even slept next to the cow, she even rejected my company.”

“That’s kinda your luck with most women,” Keith laughed but he saw how little Lance looked. “Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah… I don’t know why I came, it was stupid.” He got up ready to walk, Keith grabbed him. “Hey wait, it must be pretty bad if you and Red needed to come here- Lance… You are covered in bruises. Is everyone okay, was there a fight?”

“Yeah everyone is fine.”

“Training?”

“Yeah, level 17.”

“There’s no way you can do 17.”

“Well, you have a lot of motivation when you hate yourself and have a lot of pent-up range for feeling helpless.”

“... I get that completely.” Keith made a face, looking at a clock. “Would you like to go dancing tonight? There’s some Galra club I’m sneaking into that has info on a shipment of quintessence. I could use an extra man on the job.”

“Yeah… I would love to go dancing with you.” 

 


	5. May I Have This Dance?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith takes Lance on a mission, that doesn't go very well.

“You guys really like tight bodysuits?”  Lance hissed as it pressed on the injuries, grunting trying to reach the zipper. Which Keith got up pulling up for him, Lance shivered to throw the hood over his head. Doing a few markings on their skin to appear less noticeable, Lance having his face all over from the coalition. Wasn’t going to do them any favors.

Keith drew designs on his skin in what looked like purple henna, Lance was pretty impressed. Looking pretty cool, with the paint on his skin giving him a more purple tint to his tan skin. He had no idea who he was fooling, Keith didn’t even look Galra either, no one was going to believe this.

Keith explained it was to hide “Loverboy Lance .”

“You saw that?”

“Of course,” He chuckled. “You use those moves often on silks ?” Keith led them to a small two-seater ship, Lance hopped in excited. The club was sketchy, to say the least, smoke in the air, sex on the dance floor, rowdy crowd. Taking two seats at the bar, Keith ordering them a few drinks. Unsure what to get Lance, going for something light, but heavy on soda. Lance was looking around taking in the scene, as the drink appeared in front of him. “Oh, you got me a girly drink?”

“It’s your drink, it’s only girly if you make it be,” Keith smirked. Lance shrugged sipping on the straw, he had his body kept towards Keith. His body language was that he was engaged to their company.

“So what’s this guy’s deal?”

“He happened to be a buyer, a lot of these clubgoers have been buying this special strand.”

“You know how often this reminds me of drugs? Strands, deals, Haggar OD and addiction? Dude this shit is crack. ”

“I think it’s more heroin… but yeah, I guess the brand is really special. Why I need to find these schedule of shipment.”

“So what do we do in the meantime?” He asked. A tap on his shoulder, turning, a very beautiful alien smiled. “I just wanted to say me and my friends, find you really cute. If you wanted to come to sit at our table for a few drinks?”

Lance made a confused face with the straw hanging from his mouth. “Are you talking to me or him?”

“You, well your friend can join. I’m interested in you…” She rubbed his arm, making Lance flinch. “Sorry, I’m not.” He turned back around to face Keith, his attitude was more monotone and just meh. She walked away upset calling him a dick, Keith raised an eyebrow.

“What was that about?”

“What was what?” Lance finished off the drink, gesturing the bartender for whiskey shot.

“Some hot chick  just asked you out, and you turned _her_ down?”

“Yeah, I’m not really in the mood. So?”

“Lance… you are always in the mood.”

“I know, _a total whore right_  ?” He said grudgingly, taking the shot, shaking his head.

“That’s not what I meant-” Keith gasped.

“Whatever, let’s go dancing.” Lance got up storming towards the floor. Keith sat there his hand gesturing to Lance and the bar, whispering what the fuck? Lance was being really odd, watching Lance take to the floor swinging his hips. Rolling his eyes getting up to join, thinking he might lose Lance and he’d be worried about finding him when the target shows up. Keith swayed awkwardly compared to hardcore pumping and humping. Lance seemed to just fit in, by himself. Keith admired how free he looked like Lance needed this for a while. Lance wrapped his arms over him, leading Keith to move his hands on Lance’s waist.

Lance’s eyes heavy on him, Keith could see he wasn’t even thinking about the music, but heavy on the mind. He wondered what Lance could be thinking about, due to his odd nature recently he wondered it had to do with that.

“What are you thinking about? ” Keith asked fondly up at him.

 “Remember when we slow danced on the bridge to Cold Little Heart?”

“No… because that never happened.”

“What? It totally did. It was on you mp3, we danced while everyone was asleep and you told me not to go swimming because I’d kill myself. Cause I hadn’t slept in 4 days straight Did anyway, and ended up in the cryopod from hitting my head.”

“That’s… some dream, Lance. You okay?”

“Yeah, I mean I’m not dead.” Lance still not registering Keith never did that, only his imagination. “ _Hey is that the guy, on your 3 O’clock?_ ” Lance asked in Keith’s ear, Keith turned then back. “ _Yeah…_ ”

Keith needed to get closer, Lance grabbed him to close that made him turn red. Lance turned and swayed with him, Keith was confused but went with his lead. Lance had led him to the edge of the stage near the door the guy walked out of. “I’ll wait out here, in case he returns.”

Keith nodded, looking both ways ducking inside the office door. Keith went straight to work, breaking into the desk searching planners. Taking photos of timetables, but nothing that was clear that was it. Catching as many leads as possible, turning to the file cabinet. “Ha, there you are…”

 

Lance waited dancing to the music, soon two men returned instead. Lance stepped in front of the door, leaning on it. “Wow… you guys are so swoll? Have you been workin’ out? Man, I love the gym, planet zark GREAT gym.” He touched the manager’s arms. “Oh wow, those are huge. I bet you can lift a tiny twink  like me, easy?”

The two men looked at each other than to Lance. “Move.”

“See I know who you are… and well I need a job. Work’s been hard with those dumb Voltron kids, I used to torture some losers on the Balamara. I know I’m not the right color, but I had a bad encounter that left me hairless and lost all my purple good looks.  So I need a job.”

“Hmm…” They smirked lifting him up busting the door in. “We can think of a few ways you can earn a quick GAC.” Lance laughed nervously being carried inside and tossed on the floor. “I was thinking more, security, or a waiter?”

Watching them unbuckle their belts stepping forward at Lance, Lance saw the corner of his eye Keith frozen with his hand inside a file cabinet. The Galra hadn’t noticed, focusing on Lance who didn’t move in sake Keith from getting caught. Lance giggled that was so faked, Keith cringed at how bad it was. “Boys… Why so fast? Want to enjoy it?”

“Oh, we will…” Grabbing him by the waist pulling Lance close to his huge fat hairy chest. He forced another smile, pretending to like it. Lance turned Keith was gone, maybe hiding. No, left him… _asshole._

Lance sighed as he felt the zipper come undone, he felt so undignified. Feeling a tongue over his cheek, hand rubbing his crotch. Lance really had no idea how to respond, he wondered maybe Shiro gave him some valuable agent training. Having sex with anyone for the sake of the mission, maybe that was a skill. His persona was led people to think that anyway, seducing his enemies. God, he was pissed at Keith right now, fucking prick escaping and leaving him for these jerks.

The other Galra pulled his hair back, as the owner shoved his fat tongue inside Lance’s mouth that was nearly as big as his head. Lance began to choke, feeling claws against his nipples.

 Next thing he knew Keith jumped on the guys back screaming to not touch him. Taking the blade through his chest, turning the next guy running out troops storming in.

Still undressed to his waist, Keith grabbed him and jumping out the second-floor window. Lance tried to follow his steps but couldn’t with the clothes, it would take to long to reput on. He groaned, stripping it off completely wearing a tiny pair of black underwear. Keith laughed at him, pulling him into the ship. Lance was holding himself in before he was falling over from the speed.

“Keith! Ow!”

“Thanks for fucking up the mission.”

“I ruined it? I was saving your ass.”

“You were supposed to warn me them coming in.”

“I tried! You didn’t hear me lying?”

“The music is too loud.”

“What was I supposed to do, kill them? Or poke my head in ‘Hey Keith! Those guys you are stealing from, should I tell them to wait for you to finish?”

“Fine I get it, one got away.”

“ _Dude_ … You straight up murdered that guy licking me.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Pretty intense…”

“Yeah well…” Keith gripped the controls. “I didn’t like him touching you like that, it made me angry .” Lance was silent, he brushed his hair back. “Thank you…” Lance said quietly.

“Yeah don’t mention it,” they rode back no longer talking the tension did that for them.

 

 

Keith shoved Lance in his room to change, as he went to speak with Kolivan. He told him Lance was a distraction, making Keith emotional. Against the code, Lance had no Galra in him. Keith explaining something was wrong with Lance, could be related to Voltron, which affects them. Keeping Lance for observation, phrasing in ways to get his way. Really he was worried, they knew that, and he just wanted Lance to stay with him.

“Lance…” Keith opened the door, Lance sat changed into his street clothes his hands in his lap. “I ruined everything, I’m so sorry-”

“Lance don’t, it’s okay. I want you to stay for the night… let me get a mat.” He went to the closet unrolling on the floor. Taking a few blankets and pillows, Lance was surprised they have. Such strict living, not allowed to feel enjoyment even. Keith made the bed for Lance, who laid uncomfortably. Keith saw it when he ran earlier, Lance was really hurting. His tan skin was shades of red and purple.  He was about to offer a trade, Lance fell hard asleep on him. Keith smiled at him, getting into his bed watching Lance breathe… weird. He thinks Lance might have something injured in his chest or throat, nose? He breathed in pain. Maybe level 17 wasn’t a good idea, but he can tell things were from bots, this was a living creature. Something with emotion, they had meant to the impacts. Someone was hurting Lance for a reason, Lance won’t bring it up- he was not himself. The boy stirred, starting to cough and choke. Lance stopped breathing, his body freaked out as silent screams came from his mouth. Keith jumped out of bed, shaking Lance awake.

“LANCE!” Keith’s eyes wide and in fear, Lance sprung to life breathing again. “Huh? What- Where am I, Keith?” Lance shook his head.

“You okay, you were having some like seizure?”

“What- Oh… that,” Lance curled the blankets over his shoulders.

“That? _What was that?_ ”

“I have panic attacks, I freak out in my sleep when I don’t really feel… I guess safe? Maybe because I don’t know this place, I must’ve freaked out. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, stop saying sorry Lance. You act so guilty for doing nothing, it’s fine. I’m someone you do know, what if you lay in bed with me. Would that help?”

“Yeah maybe… Wouldn’t it be like weird? Like would you get mad if I said I wanted to?”

“No, I offered. Dude get off the floor, get in my bed .”

“... Okay, we need to work on your phrasing, but yeah okay.” Lance got up curling into Keith’s bed, really feeling awkward that he wanted to have sex with him just a few days ago in some weird daydream.

Keith made room for him, rolling to his side to face Lance who held a pillow to his chest. “You are such a cuddler.”

“Shut up…”

“It’s cute.”  Lance buried his head, turning red but didn’t reply. “What brought on the panic attack?”

“I already told you.”

“Yeah, but there’s more to it. Have you been to the cryopod lately?”

“Yeah, I fell in a pool after a conversation I might die.” He yawned, Keith scooted closer with a worried expression. “Sorta wish it did the job. Do everyone a favor.”

“Oh my god…” Keith grabbed his arms. “Don’t say that, not you.”

“Not me?” Lance rose an eyebrow.

“You’re Lance. Mr. Fucking smiles and stupid jokes, the cool guy who cares about everyone. The flirt, the cocky, but loving dumbass.”

“I’m Mr. Brightside…”

“No, you’re not. I understand that because you told me you have been going through my shit, so my music. What’s going on?” He asked holding Lance’s hand. “I’m worried.” 

“I’m fine… really, just kinda feeling out of it. Sorry to worry you-”

“Stop fucking saying sorry, it’s annoying.”

“Sor- I mean… hmmm….” He trailed off, still holding Keith’s hand. “I don’t know how to talk about it. Have you ever been a place where all you want to do is scream? But you know if you do, no one would listen no matter how loud you yell? ”

“Lance… all the time.”

“And if someone does hear, they wouldn’t believe you.”

“You can tell me anything, honestly if you’re worried because of the team. I have to reason to confront it, other than you need to tell someone.”

“I know you won’t believe me, I know that.”

“Know, you haven’t even told me. Lance, you are scaring the hell out of me. What is up?”

“Are you a virgin ?”

“Lance…”

“Are you?”

“This is a red herring and not the fish.”

“I’ll tell you when I’m ready when I get things solved.”

“Solved? ” Keith sighed rubbing the bridge of his nose. “You know what, yeah take your time. It’s late. I just want to sleep- don’t even try to say sorry- zip it, Lance.” Lance shrugged, turning over fisting the sheets. Keith watched his actions. “Do you want to cuddle?”

“Don’t make fun of me…” Lance pouted, Keith chuckled. “I’m not, Shiro used to when I freak out- Lance? Oh, shit are you crying ?”

“No, I’m just tired… and your voice is annoying.” Keith scooted closer trying to see Lance, he rolled him back to face him. “Oh, Lance… do you want a hug ?”

“Yes,” He whimpered wrapping his arms over him and his head in Keith’s chest. Keith rubbed his head, shushing finding Lance to be incredibly cute right now. Lance hummed soft blinks. Both falling into the heaviness of the night, “I’ll protect you .” 

 


	6. A Bonding Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith tries to figure out what is happening to Lance, while dealing with his own feelings. He helps Lance bond with the Red Lion.

Keith woke with arms spread over his body. He smiled fondly at the beautiful boy resting in his bed. How peaceful he looks compared to when he first arrived, he still looked off. Maybe Lance just changed, Keith knew he did. It felt wrong to know Lance had thoughts so cold and dark about himself. He had been reckless nearly killing himself, and not caring one bit if he did. He wondered how the rest of the team were doing if the most perfect amazing guy in the world can turn into this? The team must be in a load of suffering.

He lifted Lance’s dead weight arm off sneaking off to do his morning duties. Being still a newer member, and not really the big beefy Galra. He was put on most of the chore duty; cooking for the whole group with a few kitchen hands, scrubbing the bathrooms and locker rooms, feeding the pets or what looked like pets. Alien chickens.

Taking his time with the shower, he scrubbed the nasty floor germs out his hair. Stepping out into the dryers, which were large heat fans. He combed his hair, tying it up in a small ponytail again from the chores before.

 

He ate with them, stuck between Kolivan and another large Galra member. There were whispers around the table, odd glances at him. “If you have the nerve to make an opinion about me, I suggest you say it to my face.”

“You brought a whore back.”

“Ex-Excuse me?”

“That skinny thing, you brought him back to mate. Breaking our rule of secrecy, putting us all in danger.”

“He is not a whore. He’s a Paladin of Voltron, he already knows where we are. Don’t worry, if I was interested in a floozy, I would message your wife.” Keith quipped, having pride defending Lance. The Galra became upset, threatening to duel him. Keith got off the bench, walked back to the dorms. As the rest of the rowdy Galra Blade members howled and challenged each other over stupid stuff. “ _Men_ …” Keith rolled his eyes.

 

Getting an incoming transmission from Shiro, he lifted his arm pressing the dial to answer.

“Hey Shiro, what’s the problem?” Wondering if they are calling to find Lance, worried about the missing paladin.

“Lance had a bit of tantrum, revolving a few orders. His presence and annoyance to want to become the leader have been overwhelming for everyone. Once I tried to correct him on his behavior, he lashed out at everyone taking off. We haven’t been able to form Voltron either because of his new attitude. We need you to locate him, and reclaim the role as The Red Paladin.” Shiro spoke, Keith listened. It did make some sense, but things were left out and more to it. Lance has had jealousy and leadership issues in the past, but never this bad. This was something different, why wasn’t the team bothering to look for him themselves. Instead of wanting Keith to find him, just to take the lion back.

“Understood, how has the search been on your end?”

“We’ve been busy with Lotor we hadn’t really cared to look. As a team collectively agreed Lance no longer fits. It’s time to come home.”

“My work isn’t done yet… also, you should probably know. I have Lance here.”

“Where’s the lion?”

“Where’s the lion? **_Seriously_ **? What did Lance do to make the team banish him?” Keith asked. Shiro’s eyes darted to the side. “If you are able to console Lance into returning, and being more cooperative. We’ll take him openly, but he is being a child. Also Keith…”

“Yeah?” Keith responded crossing his arms, just done.

“You should probably hear it from me, that I and Lance have gotten involved. It might have to do with the lashing out.”

“He’s in a bad shape...” Keith said uncomfortably.

“We’re all in bad shape, him having unrequited feelings means nothing in this picture.”

“Fine.” Keith hung up not wanting to hear it anymore. Not sure what Shiro said annoyed him more, the fact he seemed to only care about the lion. Or that bringing up his ‘involvement’ seemed, more like a random jab than to make the case. Of course, he had practically forgotten Lance already told him, but it seemed like it was also a hush-hush thing. Random quick detail, as if Keith really didn’t need to know. Which… this he felt like he should, Shiro has been everything to him. He didn’t know if Shiro, knew how he felt about Lance. If he did, then it made sense to tell him like that. A warning or something. Returning to his room, he looked longingly at the boy asleep. “ _You are such a troublemaker._ ”

 

Lance still slept, but holding to side Keith slept on. Rubbing his face in the pillow as if still chasing the warmth Keith had left. Keith smiled, sitting on the bed he brushed Lance’s hair back behind his ear. He rubbed his back, feeling the swelling of welts from contact violence. Lance shifted, whimpering holding the pillow tighter. “No…” Keith stopped touching removing his hands. “Get off, no stop… please stop. Not again.. Please..please- AHHH” Lance screamed in his sleep pulling at the sheets, Keith jumped watching Lance shoot up terrified and the brink of tears.

“Lance Woah, Woah. You were having a nightmare, easy, relax. I’m here…. What were you dreaming about?” Lance didn’t respond, Keith didn’t know how to push more. “We need to talk… Shiro called, saying there was a fight between you and the team. You want to tell me what’s that about?”

“Stop asking me questions I won’t answer.”

“Okay, well why do they want me to take your place?”

“Because I suck, you flew Red, makes sense. I’m putting the team in jeopardy because I am holding them back from forming Voltron.”

“Your bond with Red not so good? She can be difficult, I can maybe help you out.”

“I’d like that. Please?”

 

* * *

 

They sat on the floor face to face inside Red. Meditating, but neither could concentrate. Lance wanted to yell, and Keith had a million questions. Red purred, encouraging the two to talk. Both of them had heavy minds, and tall walls making it hard for Red to push them to speak.

Lance moved his head away from Keith, looking to see the lion’s walls to replaced by stars and an empty realm. This was different from the astral realm Lance had seen a few months ago. Mostly rose shades, the visual of burning suns. This was the mind of the Red Lion, linking their souls. Allowing some past judgments of each other to relax, but allowed them to share they seemed ready. Giving them the choice.

“I guess… _to talk?_ ” Lance said, Keith nodded. “I guess, how I feel about you?”

“If that’s what you want, I don’t care what you think of-”

“I like you,” Lance said quickly. “Like… A lot. I sorta really looked up to you, someone that makes me want to be better. You are always so good at everything, and I just wanted to be on that level to maybe you see me, like me.”

“Oh…” Keith said, clearing his throat. “I ugh… I do like you.”

“You’re not a really good liar.” Lance made a small huff.

“I’m not lying… it’s just I like you in a different way. More like ah what do you call it… uh..”

“Planet-tonic?”

“More…” Keith blushed, Lance was shocked to see. “Try... _I don’t know_! You really amaze me. How can something be everything at once? Like you can be really stupid, but actually a fucking mad genius. You were such a better leader than me, even from the beginning your battle strategies on the Balmara, well… didn’t get us killed. I don’t get how that works while looking like you do.”

“Looking the way I do?” Lance said slowly, not sure that was what he heard.

“Yeah, you look like some walking playboy but the like the guy version? You just look perfect, and you seem to own it. With walking around in face masks, and taking care of yourself. You’re just so… CONFIDENT?! I hate myself, I could never bring myself to even like me. It’s a shock that you do.”

“Oh no…” Lance huffed. “We’re really going to end up complimenting each other to death. Keith, don’t even compare yourself to me about looks. I don’t really care a lot about myself then you might think, I don’t think I’ve touched my products in weeks. It’s so pointless because it’s really just a mask to fool people. I really am not that, too be honest. I think we are way too much alike.”

“What do you mean?”

“We both feel alone, isolated, angry, confused, fuck maybe this is why Red like everyone else wants to be the new you. I think the only difference is in our versions of trauma and what led us to here.” Lance sighed annoyingly thinking mostly towards Red.

“I don’t think anyone wants you to be me, I’m a terrible example of a person to be. People should more look at you. You’re kind, caring, you put others first. I know you hold so much in, and I think you do because you are trying to protect people you love. I can feel it, _through her_ … Lance, I’m worried, I haven’t felt pain like this since… since a long time ago.”

“I feel loneliness,” Lance added.

“I do too,” Keith agreed coming closer to Lance.

“I… I miss you,” Lance said looking down, quieter.

“I missed you too, Lance.” Keith took Lance’s hand into his, holding it tight.

“Uh, look I said it before. I’m not in a place I can talk, I really don’t know how. I’ve tried and I was pushed away, rejected without a word. I never felt so, no FEEL, I feel it now. So alone. I know no one that is going through this like I am, and I don’t know if I can ever talk about it. ‘Cause I can’t even say it to myself, how can I tell someone else? I have no home, the new home has made me feel like I’m not even a person. I have no idea what I’ve done to make them hate me so much. Shiro… he’s been really-” Red growled loudly, Keith looked around. “Yeah, that.”

“What is that?” Keith spoke, unclear, looking around to find the source of the roar.

“Just he’s… I really don’t know how to say it... ” Keith looked uncomfortable they both heard a word loudly. **IMPOSTER**

“That too, she keeps saying that. I have no idea- I think it’s me? Everyone says it’s my fault we can’t form Voltron-” Red growled at him.

“No? Shiro said!” She went into their minds. Showing glimpses of the astral realm, one’s Lance saw when Shiro called out to him. Why show him this, he felt a weird turn in his stomach. “Lance, you’re not the problem. The Lions are aware of the issue, but they seem clouded. I guess fear or protection. She’s trying to protect you.”

Lance had to hold back a comment of being super lame at protecting if he was Keith the lions would come down breaking walls down to save him. Lance, they just let it happen. Just like the paladins, they didn’t care.

Keith scooted closer again. “I’m glad you told me, I have been there. My parents… being placed in foster homes. I really had no one my whole life, Shiro came to the current school I was at, promoting The Garrison. I don’t know he seemed to never give up on me, no matter how many fights I got in, trouble I caused. For once someone fucking cared. Then he was gone, I had that taken from me… I was devastated. No one at The Garrison cared, they would tell me he was dead and get over it. I knew it wasn’t true, it was too fishy. Iverson got too handsy with me, I had to fight him off. So I took a pen off his desk to his eye, causing me to get booted. Living alone, scared, feeling worthless. The only thing that kept me from trying to kill myself was hope, and I was right. He was alive. Shiro is the most important person to me, he’s my brother. I would do anything for him, and be by his side 100%. He’s sweet, kind, he really takes care of people.” Keith explained, trying to encourage Lance wasn’t alone. “Tell Shiro, he’d be able to help.”

Lance wanted to cry, _Keith could never get it._ He could never tell him, how does he even begin? He’d either make Keith’s world would be crushed, feel ultimate betrayal and Lance wouldn’t forgive himself. Or, Keith would hate him and refuse to believe it, shut Lance out completely like the rest. Keith was right, Lance did hold things in for the ones he loves. Now he had another reason to protect Shiro’s secret, he didn’t want to hurt Keith. Lance doesn’t know what he’d do without Keith, he needs him like water.

“I’m glad Shiro is like that with you…” Lance shook a little. “What do we do about this like a mole?”

“Best is to return to the castle, you are still a red paladin. She has chosen you, my time is done. The team needs your help figuring it out, it could be anyone so kept undercover.” _More secrets..._

“I can’t go back,” Lance said as the walls became more and more like insides of mechanics. Leaving the realm returning to the reality that was the floor of the Red Lion.

“Lance-”

“I.. I can’t, really..” His lip pouted feeling tears down his face. “Keith, please don’t make me go back there. You have no idea what’s going to happen.”

“Lance why are you so scared, tell me what happened, help me understand.” Lance didn’t respond just shook his head. “I’ll return with you.”

Lance lifted his head, that could work. “You.. you will?”

“Yeah, it’s been awhile. I’ve been so busy, I do miss everyone.”

“They sure miss you… I know I have, like a lot…”


	7. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith returns to the team with Lance, and becomes furious with the lack of empathy the team has for Lance. Questions their actions, and most importantly what the fuck is wrong with Shiro and Lance's deal?

They were welcomed with open arms.

 

_ Correction _ . Keith was welcomed with open arms, Lance being moved to the side. He leaned on the work desk hearing the team ask if he came to take Lance’s place, right in front of the poor guy. Keith tried to tell them, no, but they kept pushing at him. Eventually, the subject changed but it fell under mockery at Lance. His loud porno mouth keeping everyone awake, they had no idea what he was yelling but it was loud. How Shiro is so cool and a sex god, he can make Lance go silent.

Keith laughed hearing that Lance’s heart dropped. He was being laughed at for being raped and was forced to believe he brought this on himself. He couldn’t look at Keith’s sweet smile at their jokes anymore, he turned away heading towards his room. 

He laid on his bed, crying into his pillow. So stupid to maybe start to have emotions again. Feel something for someone. He didn’t have anyone, he was utterly alone. No one to hear or understand what was going on, he felt like a broken record. He would feel sorry for himself, then feel guilty for it. He could be screwed by much worse looking guys, like the Galra from the club. Shiro’s eyes were wrong, they burned into him, they filled him with fear and heartbreak. He looked like he wanted to murder Lance all the time, he just hoped he does it soon. Maybe then people would notice how off he is.

He fell asleep through the sobs, why is being raped funny? Well, they didn’t know he was… Maybe he’d laugh too if he was in their shoes. He used to make fun of broken hearts, but this was beyond that. He felt a heavy force on him, keeping him down. Lance pretended to still be asleep, as Shiro began to lower his jeans. He knew Lance was awake, he yanked his hair up dragging him out of the bed. 

“How dare you bring him here?”

“What this is what you wanted?” Lance asked confused. “Me gone, Keith here. This was your plan to drive me out.”

“You’re only partly correct. I’m not the same Shiro you know, I’m a more… an  _ enlightened _ version of myself. Finding I don’t have much fun, and you have promoted yourself as the fun one. I had to see what you are all about, my new favorite toy.”

“What is this then? To stop us from using Voltron? Break me, keep Keith away. This is stupid.” Lance whined, gaining a slap. Lifting him up, bending him against the bed. A hand covered his mouth, as pushed in. “Make a word… and I’ll trade you for Keith.”

Lance's eyes swelled, no not Keith. He bit his tongue, the hand was removed turning purple. He let out a scream the burning, and smell of roasting skin. Shiro burned into his skin, Lance covered a pillow over his face to cover the cries. Burning into places behind his knees, armpits, and behind the ears. Lance panted out in pain, begging for no more. Him or Keith, no, never Keith. He held a strong fear of what can happen to the raven beauty. Lance rather do this for another 100 years than imagine Keith where he was, Keith had been through so much. He couldn’t have that threat out there, maybe it was just a bluff but Lance didn’t want to risk it. 

Shiro pulled his body flush to Lance’s whispering in his ear, as he burned his hand into the meat of Lance’s ass. “Oh, you got very obedient hearing Keith’s name. You like him, don’t you? Too bad like Allura, Keith would never really- like you. You really are pathetic how you throw yourself at him, wanting to challenge, argue. It’s really to gain his attention.”

He gave another painful thrust making Lance lose his air. “If he sees anything in you, it’s that you are a good little bitch he might want to have fun with. Seeing you nothing more than a  _ slut. _ ”

“Stop it…” Lance plead quietly. Gritting his teeth hearing his words, it bothered him the most because he believes that. Lance is worthless and pathetic. 

Gripping the sheets harder, trying to stop himself from tears, trying to not yell out in pain. He choked on his air as Shiro gave a final pushing filling inside him. Lance was stunned, his eyes shaking with fear and heartache.

 

* * *

 

“Uh, where did Lance and Shiro go?” Keith asked looking to notice the two had vanished. He was worried from what he was hearing from both sides, he wasn’t sure he wanted them alone together. He tried to not be upset that Lance was sleeping with his like, brother. He had felt a bit jealous, supposedly betrayed by it. 

That wasn’t what worried him the most, it’s how dark Lance had become. Lance was becoming him, and it seemed like he didn’t have anyone in his corner like Keith has Shiro. He didn’t like the idea of them having sex, and Shiro to not notice what was wrong. Keith was picking it up, Keith of all people. The team just acted like the change, was a good change for Lance?

It was uncomfortable to say in the least. Relationships weren’t anything he had experience with, but he understood a few things. Friends with benefits were friends who had sex. So that was Shiro and Lance. Keith knows that friends should be there for each other, and did Shiro just not notice?

The whole thing just was giving him a headache, and maybe jealousy was a big part as well. He decided not to push it, it was between the two of them, he really didn’t want to make things worse. 

“They are probably fucking, I mean they like never stop,” Pidge said pushing her glasses up.

“We should get Lance a squirt bottle, it’s like he can’t go through a few days without screaming his head off. I try not to judge, I’m glad Lance is finally finding an outlet… It’s sorta becoming more annoying than Lance himself.”

“What do you mean, Hunk?”

“Well he’s sorta gotten, I don’t know…”

“He’s a total hot topic reject,” Pidge answered. “Sulking around, looking miserable. He walks around at night talking to himself. Don’t get us started with the pool. Fucking moron decides to go swimming in all his clothes. Hoodie, jeans and all. The only reason he didn’t drown is that he’s a surfer, probably has muscle memory being trapped in under toes of the ocean. Smacked his head, and passed out. I was awake when I found him, Shiro was furious.”

“Lance… he told me about that. I didn’t really know how bad his sleep was, I thought he was exaggerating.”

“Well, Lance exaggerates a lot. I love the guy, but you know Lance… It’s always a performance.” Hunk added.

“He’s like less annoying in the sense he sorta leaves everyone alone now, it’s not like he’s good at anything, so it’s a good thing he just stays out of the way.”

“...That’s not true, Lance is good at a lot of things.” Keith gasped, his grip on the edge of the counter.

“Oh please,” Pidge laughed. “He’s good at being a dumbass, not much else. Okay, maybe a walking breathing sex doll, cause from the sounds alone… Shiro really enjoys it.”

“Okay-” Keith covered his ears. “Just ew, I don’t want to know.”

“Aw, jealous. Lance being with Shiro? And you’re not?” Pidge wiggled her brows.

“What NO- I don’t have those thoughts for Shiro. It’s like saying you have wanted to have sex with Matt.” Pidge cringed sticking her tongue out.

“So you like Lance…” Hunk said.

“No…” Keith said softer. “Okay maybe, it doesn’t matter right now.”

“You know, he’s missed you like…  _ a lot _ .”

“ _ Oh, he has, has he? _ ” Keith blushed, making a cocky grin.

“More of, he wears your clothes and hangs out in your room. He doesn’t have to say it. We see it plain as day.” Hunk replied.

“I had no idea… I mean that’s one way to miss someone, but also kinda weird.”

“Not just misses… You know him and Shiro are not at all a thing, sex okay, but Shiro refuses to even take Lance out on a date. Lance throws himself at Shiro in hopes of a relationship. It’s kinda pathetic, but you know… if you have low standards, that you are crushing on Lance. You got pretty solid chances, Lance is always a ‘yes’.”

“I don’t know to be upset, or happy about that. I’m going to walk away now.”

 

* * *

 

Lance forgot Keith was even here, stumbling into his safe place. Stripping his clothes, climbing into the shower. He leaned his head on the shower wall, he could barely touch the water without stinging. Taking a washcloth to the burns, trying to clean them to not be infected. He washed his hair with Keith’s shampoo or what was left of it. The soapy suds down his broken body burned like a thousand sons. His voice could barely make a sound, it was gone. He’ll just explain he’s sick again, lost his voice. It wasn’t fully gone, but it just took more work to speak than not to.

He draped a towel over himself, grabbing the clothes from a dresser. He winced at cloth against the irritated burns. Sliding on Keith’s jacket, holding the red leather closer to his skin. Taking a breath of relaxed air, settling his shoulders down. He laid down on his stomach, hugging the pillow tight grumbling in pain. An aching headache from the burns behind his ears. Ringing in his head, he thought his head was going to pop off his body.

He winced at the light on his face as the door opened, seeing a dark shadow in the doorway. He closed his eyes trying to sleep, becoming used to the monsters that stand in the light and open. That hurt you alone in the dark.

“Lance?” Keith asked out loud confused. “What are you doing in my room?”

“It’s not your room…  _ you left _ .”

“Okay, but you have your own bed.”

“I can’t sleep in there… it’s broken.”

“Broken?” Keith walked around doing stuff he planned before but seemed more something to do than hover over Lance. Lance turned in the bed, covering his face in the pillow. “Long story.”

“Hey, Lance… I know you’re not in a talking mood. I kinda wanted to ask you something, I’m sorry if it’s too personal.”

“What?” Lance looked up at him, his baggy tear-stained face.

“What is really going on between you and Shiro?” Keith asked quietly, Lance felt his heart stop. He was rigid and frozen, Keith looking at him with low lids. He was upset… Was he mad at Lance? Did he know?

“I- I don’t know what you mean?” Lance stumbled throat aching.

“Are you two… like together? Or is it… just sex.”

“We’re... “ Lance curled in, so Keith didn’t know. “What did Shiro say?”

“I haven’t talked to Shiro, and I’m asking you. I want to hear from you.”

“... I,” he stopped speaking. He had all the bricks in place, Keith was going to listen. Someone wanted to hear him, hear his screams, his plea for help. This moment he longed for, for so long… and he can’t even speak. He froze up unable to confess. “It’s just sex, we’re not… anything.”

“Oh, okay,” Keith said with a slight high pitch to his voice, he tried to hide a relieved smile. “So you are sleeping in my room now?”

“You’re bed is soft.”

“We have the same type of bed.”

“Keith… My voice really hurts. I’m not fu-k,”  _ cough. “ _ Leaving.”

“I’m not either, and is that my jacket?” Keith crossed his arms gesturing to him. Lance turned away to face the wall. Keith changed in the bathroom, climbing on the bed. He stopped on his all fours seeing Lance curl into a small ball, terrified.

“Lance are you okay? If this is uncomfortable, I just thought because of last night. I can go take another room-”

“No… stay. I…” Lance tried to speak but it hurt so much. “Want you here.”

“Then I’ll stay. What’s wrong with your voice-” Lance held the jacket tighter. “Are those… burns?”

“Curling Iron. I’m fine. Sleep.” Lance turned over, rolling into Keith’s chest. Last night was the best sleep he’s gotten in months, and now fresh with injury… He wanted Keith to protect him, even if Keith didn’t know what he was protecting him from.

 

* * *

 

Only takes a few minutes being held before falling asleep, Keith is confused and frustrated not knowing what was wrong. He wanted answers, Lance was too scared to give to him. He sighed holding Lance, his chin resting on his head, Lance mewling in his sleep. How nervous and twitchy he slept, the way his fingers would tighten and release against Keith’s shirt. 

He needed to get up to pee, sliding out of Lance’s arms and into the bathroom. Flicking the light on, stumbling still asleep as he took a leak. As his eyes adjusted he looked over at the mess of clothes on the ground. He rolled his eyes at Lance not picking up after himself, washing his hands. He lifted the clothes finding them to be off-putting. His shirt had blood stains, and he didn’t mean to look at Lance’s underwear but he just went to pick them up. He dropped them in the weird substance, looking at his hand with than blood smears on his fingers.

“Okay what the hell…” He washed his hands again, walking into the room prepared to confront Lance about it. He stopped, the way the boy looked finally at peace on his bed. Couldn’t bring him to do it, also knowing he has lacked sleep. Keith crawled back into the bed, reclaiming Lance into his arms, who hummed like a happy clam.

 


	8. Goodbye, My Almost Lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((This chapter is by far my favorite to work on, I considered it my baby chapter. The one I am most proud of writing. I do love it when people comment, it's a reminder that I should keep posting.))

Lance hummed happily, against Keith. His hands tight into the back of his shirt, holding Keith tighter to him. The fear he'll disappear. Keith chuckled at Lance's hums vibrated on his chest making him ticklish. Rubbing Lance's ears softly, looking more at the burns before Lance could stop him, due to his sleepish state. He shook his head trying to shrug Keith away from the spots, Keith's fingers felt hot against the skin. Like a nasty sunburn, only worse because they weren't going to heal right. The raised skin, starting to blister, once healed would only leave scars. 

Lance finally stirred too much that he needed to wake up, wincing in pain. He breathed in the familiar scent, eyes gazed on the pale skin compared to his tan. He smiled again, knowing he was safe, and last night he was as well. "Breakfast?" Lance asked looking up from Keith's chest.

"Yeah that sounds good, but first we have to do something."

"What's that?" Lance smirked a flirty grin, moving his face a little closer. Keith just chuckled getting up, Lance laid confused until Keith pulled him to get up. "What? What is it?"

Being dragged into the bathroom, Keith pushed Lance to sit on the edge of the tub. "Shirt off, pants too."

"Wow, Keith… So forward, makes a girl want to blush." Lance giggled but didn't move a muscle to remove anything.

"Whatever…" Keith grumbled pulling out a first aid kit with burn ointment. "I'm not asking how you got them, just let me help." Keith stared into Lance's eyes, Lance heartbeat went faster. Nodding, he shuffled out of the red jacket and shirt. Sliding off the sweats until he was in a pair of boxers. Keith's eyes stare in shock, there were fingerprints. Shiro had done this, he gripped his hand into a tight fist he was about to stand up when Lance grabbed his hands. "It's okay."

"He… Why?"

"He didn't mean to… it was an accident," Lance lied his soft kind smile alluring. He was mostly lying to himself. 

"They look planned, your ears, knees? Lance these are painful pressure points."

"We were trying new kinks."

"I don't-" Keith shook his head disagreeing.

"Keith," Lance said sternly, squeezing his hand tighter. "I'm okay, just let it go okay. For me at least?" Keith watched him, he saw it in his eyes. He didn't really notice until now, there was always a sparkle. Something good, happiness, light, pure. His eyes now, the redness and bags that hung. His eyes were dim, that sparkle was there because something changed every time he spoke or talked to Keith, he seemed better. Really seeing him, knowing those eyes were like his, tired and swollen from nights of tears. He hadn't realized how much he noticed that sparkle until it was hardly there anymore.

He knew Shiro was hurting Lance, maybe it was just an accident but he needed to confront it. Shiro would never do it on purpose, Lance was too kind to tell Shiro he was hurt. Lance gave everything to others, more than he has. He's seen Lance do this and doesn't get to recharge. Lance is a giver. The team was takers, leaving Lance unable to repair himself once from too much giving, terrible on his mentality. Shiro should notice, he shouldn't be doing this. Helping Lance with Shiro's mistake, his burns, and bruises. 

Lance blinked at him, his hand still holding Keith's. Why did Keith fall into lines with the team, laugh at those stupid jokes when Lance was right here refusing to admit to it. Was he worried people will judge him? Laugh? Fear no one would listen… Keith hadn't been making himself a great person, allowing Lance to feel he can. He tried, he just didn't know "how to people." 

"Are you going to keep getting lost in my eyes or are you going to put that stuff on me?" Lance asked slowly, his voice soft. Keith waked up from his trance. "Yeah sorry," he said placing the gel on his fingers rubbing softly into the burn behind the ears. Lance's hands now in his lap, he bunched his fists tighter, cringing at the stings. Keith was gentle, rubbing in a circular motion. Moving to his armpits, and behind the knees. Keith went to the floor, lifting Lance's legs up. Lance started to panic, Keith was so gorgeous and being way too nice to him. Now sitting between his legs, rubbing his skin. He swallowed a gulp of spit in his mouth, feeling himself become active from below. His dick shifted, becoming harder and harder to become unnoticed. Keith rubbed his ankles, looking up a complete look of horror on Lance's face. Keith shifted his eyes from Lance's down, seeing the strong thick line against his thigh. He pursed his lips trying very hard to not laugh, snickering that snuck out.

"Lance…?" 

"It's not funny!" Lance covered his face. "I can't help it, you on your knees, touching me."

Keith pursed lips turned into a cocky grin, blinking his lashes. "So you like me on my knees, touching you? Think about this often?"

"Oh my god… shut up." Lance groaned, closing his legs and pushing Keith back gently with his foot, Keith fell onto his bum. His roar of laughter was released, holding his stomach. Lance turned a darker shade of red, holding his hands between his legs and head hung low in shame.   
  


* * *

 

Keith left Lance alone to deal with his business, still chuckling that he gave Lance a boner. A stroke to his own ego, and pride… that led him to blush and smile to himself as he walked in the halls like a squealing school girl. He felt so dumb that he felt like he was on air, his heart fluttered. After hearing what Pidge and Hunk said, knowing he had a chance with Lance, now… He flustered, that he, can make Lance flustered. It must be a sign Lance liked him or at least was turned on by him.

Rounding the corner, his smile was so big and extreme happiness he's felt- well in forever. Maybe even never have. He saw Shiro, and his mind went blank on his plans of before. About wanting to scream at him for hurting Lance, at the moment his mind told him to ask Shiro for advice. "Hey, Shiro!" Keith ran up to him giving a dorky grin. Shiro looked down at him fondly. "What's up with you, you seem pretty excited."

"Yeah…" Keith tucked the hair back behind his ear, blushing. "I am, I… I kinda have a crush?"

"Woah! Really?" Shiro smiled at him with his big brother expression. "Who is he?"

"It's…" Keith covered his face, totally feeling stupid for blushing so much. This was so not him, he doesn't fall over for people. He poked his view between his fingers, a blushing mess. "It's Lance."

He looked up, Shiro's face had fallen and looked more stern. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah… I don't know, it works. I really can't explain it, after bonding over Red. Also, him sleeping in my clothes, he's also really cute when he gets embarrassed."

"But… It's Lance…"

"Yeah?"

"Well you know, you sure you're not into someone… with better qualities?" Keith's face fell, feeling offended himself like he didn't have standards. Lance was high standards in his opinion, he thought he had no chance, now he has hope. "Yeah, I'm sure. Sure he's a total dork, and a dumbass at times. He's just so caring and understanding, there's just something… I look into his eyes and I just want to have him. Protect him."

"Well I wish you luck, Lance is pretty easy. You don't even have to ask if want to have sex with him, he's pretty compliant." Shiro shrugged, Keith followed him more down the hall in silence. He replayed Shiro's words, it left a bad taste in his mouth. "Oh. You knew we were having sex right? That's not going to be an issue, I mean what's mine, is yours." He rubbed Keith's hair. Keith's eyes were in shock, and mouth opened and closed.

"No, I know you two are. It's just… it's not serious?"

"A relationship with Lance? I have a better chance with a mouse than with him. I wish you luck if you can tie down someone like that."

"Someone… like that? Shiro, what are you trying to say?" Keith asked coldly, feeling rage in his chest.

"Think about it, there's Allura, those few blonde alien girls, mermaids, me, and now you? Hunk told me he had a bit of a reputation of breaking hearts at the Garrison. I'm just saying, don't expect anything to be taken seriously. I don't want you to get a broken heart, and have to tell you I told you so."

"I don't know… he really doesn't seem like that. I don't think he would do anything to try and hurt me."

"Really? Keith, for over a year he did nothing but insult you, and tried to fight you."

"That was him seeking attention, he just wanted me to notice him. I guess it worked, cause… I do notice him now." Keith rubbed his neck.

"Wow Keith, that sounds like the stable building blocks, of a GREAT relationship."

"Shiro, you're acting kinda not supportive here, are you sure you don't have feelings for him?"

"That's a joke right?" Shiro made a face of disgust, Keith pouted.

"Well you are acting pretty much like a dick about the idea of me and Lance, I want to make sure you're not you know… jealous or anything."

"Jealous? God Keith, seriously think I can get jealous of that slut?" Shiro made a face offended, Keith shoved him. "Don't talk about him like that!"

"What it's true! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I don't care! Don't call him that, after I know you are hurting him!" Shiro shoved Keith back into the wall, becoming nose to nose with him. "What the hell did that bitch say?"

"What?"

"Lance, what did he tell you!?" Shiro barked in his face, making Keith have to bend down to not get spit in his face. "What nothing!"

"Oh yeah, I'll have to have a word with him myself."

"He didn't say anything, I saw it… Only you can make those marks on him, those were from your hand. Shiro... " Keith pleaded softly. "Was it really an accident?"

Shiro was quiet for a moment, studying Keith's face. "Yeah, it was… I feel bad, I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I lose control over this arm, and it hurts him. I'm embarrassed, I don't want to get it looked at. I'll be more careful with him." He pulled away, quickly walking down the hall. Keith was able to regain some air, and relief knowing it wasn't much of a problem. Shiro must be really tired due to his rude nature and calling Lance a slut. He seemed to stick he didn't have feelings for Lance, that Keith liking him was a bad idea, but it was still possible.

Keith was brought up to the bridge first, having a call to deal with. He needed to leave that night, a mission with his mother revolving the missing weapon. He still was not at ease knowing his mother, she had left him and he was angry. Telling him she'd explain later but never did, maybe this mission he'll learn more. 

If he wanted to confess how he felt to Lance, today would be the day. Tell him how he's thought about Lance for months now, and seeing him show up the other day… the look he gave Keith like he was everything. No one looked at Keith like that, and yet Lance did. This playful, handsome boy who hid so much sadness in those blue eyes. So much he kept in, he held stuff tighter than Keith did. He held onto stuff like he had no one, that he didn't have someone like Shiro… and he didn't. He didn't like how Shiro talked about him, he growled at the coldness.

Joining the breakfast table after the call, joining Lance who was flustered to see him. Keith smirking at him with an all-knowing look, Lance tightens a grip on his thigh trying to not think about it. Keith kept looking at him… God, he knows he jerked off thinking about Keith sucking him off, why does Keith look so smug about it? Keith moved a hand underneath the table, as everyone tried to catch up. Pidge's finding of Matt, and how that went down. Hunk's plans to see Shay soon, hoping to bring her a nice dish. Shiro and Allura talked about Lotor in lengths, of pride and well affection. He saw Lance's head duck, and one hand with his fork picking at the food. Keith moved his hand slowly, inching closer to Lance's thigh. Lance shivered to feel the fingers just graze his jeans. Chills. He begged not to get another boner right now, the last thing he needs is Shiro finding out. His fingers touched above Lance's closed fist, running the tips softly over the knuckles until Lance loosened his fist. He laced his fingers inside Lance's, intertwining their fingers together. Lance looked down as it happened, his face was blank, it worried Keith at first. Until Lance squeezed, gently but there was a clear need. He looked up at Keith his a single tear falling down his cheek, Keith reached up wiping it away. His thumb on Lance's cheek, checking if he was okay. Nodding but blushed, eyes matching his eyes with a soft smile. Feeling he was getting closer, feeling his head move until he felt Keith's air fight with his.

"What the fuck?" Pidge interrupted them. "Are you guys eye fucking, do you need eye protection?" Lance turned his head blushing darker, pouting at the moment ruined. His hand still holding Keith's, who chuckled. "I wish I could stay longer, but I can't."

"You… can't?" Lance looked back a strain on his voice. "Wha- why?"

"We have a lead on the new quintessence, it's important I go… personal related things."

"What like a girlfriend? What personal?" Lance asked louder, becoming upset.

"... It's my mother, I found her. She is a deep undercover spy for the blades, on my last mission revolving this superweapon. I found my mother… I have a mom, Lance." Lance didn't know how to respond, it was important for Keith. Lance just got him back… but he understood, he had to let go of Keith, tossing his hand back. He got up from the table, storming out. Feeling so dumb to let himself get emotional again. Letting someone see his walls crumble again, heartbroken from Allura to Shiro. Keith just told him, he was going to be alone again. He couldn't handle it again. He felt his lips tremble, his feet picked up, running. Going inside the training deck, holding his chest as he started to cry out in anger. Falling to his knees. Alone… Always alone.

  
  


* * *

  
  


"It's sad to see you leave again, but we understand," said Allura.

"Hey," Keith leaned into the table. "What's wrong with Lance, he's in a shit ton of pain? I get the bruises are from physical activity… but he's like, I don't know... broken?"

"I haven't really noticed, but he has been avoiding people, bad temper, or he's really quiet. I guess he sorta stays out of the way, the best thing he can do."

"Or sucking Shiro's dick," Pidge laughed out loud. Keith glared at her, her laughs became lower chuckles. "Okay, also him unable to pilot with Red might be a blow to his ego."

"That's not true, he is her pilot. WE BONDED. Red says he is not the problem, his problem is from fear and intimation. Someone is threatening him to a point he can't trust anyone, I want to know what is going on. He was a- no fuck he is a mess. Can't you see it?" Everyone looks down slightly in shame.

"It's my fault," Allura said. "I was made aware Lance's feelings for me, were in fact true. I don't feel the same, and his discovery of Lotor has made him visibly upset. I believe due to him being a prince and leader, also being someone I am with… You say boys fight like Alphas? It's like a fight for the alpha male, Lance… he's not that as much as he wants to. He is being petty is all, you shouldn't worry so much about him. Lance is temperamental and never takes the blame for his own actions."

"Oh my god…" Keith groaned getting up, letting out a frustrated groan leaving to search for Lance. Surprised to see him training with… a sword? He watched Lance fight, punch, kicks, screaming until his face was red. Lance called an end to get a drink of water, and to restretch, he turned to see Keith. "Shouldn't you be leaving?"

"Not yet… I wanted to talk."

"What is there to say?" Lance gulped down his bottle, wiping his mouth. 

"Lance… I know you are upset, I am too. I don't even know this woman." Placing his hand on Lance's shoulder.

"Then why are you going then," Lance spat rubbing his face in a towel. Looking up at him with a pout. "I don't have a choice, maybe I can learn why she left me. What her reason I was alone for so long, what was worth it?" Lance stilled hearing his words running down his spine, and back up to his heart. He sighed, he was asking too much of Keith to be his, he should've known. It was selfish to hold onto him so tightly.

"Yeah… closure. Sometimes I wish I had a reason to blame for loneliness, I'm still searching for it."

"Yeah, I noticed, what the fuck is everyone's deal? What did you do to piss everyone off?" Keith asked shaking his head. Lance shrugged. "It sorta kinda happened over time, I guess?"

They sat on the bench, Lance continued to drink his water. "Lance how you fight… I see it."

"See what?"

"The pain? The anger? You are screaming for someone to hear you, Lance… Why won't you tell me what's happening?" Keith grabbed his wrists, looking at him with big violet eyes.

"Oh Keith, I thought you knew?" Lance patted his cheek.

"Knew what?" 

"I'm the slut…" Lance got up, sighing closing his eyes as he scratched his neck. He went the computer for level 20, Keith's eyes widen at the bots appearing watching Lance flow through them. Keith jumped in using his Mamora blade, back to back with Lance. Fighting and using each other as tools, Lance bent down which allowed Keith to flip over his back onto a bot. His foot into its chest, pulling the blade out to throw at the bot in Lance's 9 O'clock, as he fought on his 4 O'clock.

Lance rolled on the floor, his sword turning back into a gun clearing Keith's path to retrieve his blade. Lance got up and punching the bot directly in the weak spot that caused a hole which he pulled the wires out. Keith stared at him in shock, imagining Lance on the battlefield, he could rip someone's heart out. Distracted he was knocked over toppling Lance, as a blade was coming to kill them both. Lance threw his shield up to protect Keith. Keith holding onto his chest tightly, Lance's back on the ground one arm around Keith, the other holding the protection up. "END SIMULATION," Lance yelled, the bot disappeared. He dropped his arms to the floor, breathing hard. "We are a good team…" Lance smiled up at Keith who looked down at him. They stayed like that for a moment, Keith moved his hands down Lance's arms. Touching his bare skin against his. "You are beautiful…"

"I'm not."

"Lance… please, you are the most beautiful person in this universe and you know it." Keith rolled his eyes, Lance blushed shrugging at his words. He didn't feel at all, but Keith seemed to think it. That was enough, Lance smiled up at him. "You are hotter than a million suns, and sweaty like it, too."

"Shut up… Lance… I uhm…" Keith started nervously licking his lips, looking between his lips and Lance's eyes.

"Yeah... Keith?" Lance's voice pitched.

"I think-"

"Yeah?" Lance sat up a little leaning closer, his eyes lidded halfway. "What is it?"

"Fuck it," Keith threw his arms around Lance kissing him hard. Tumbling Lance back to the ground, Lance arched up gasping against his mouth. Feeling so good, so loved and wanted then it stopped… not the kissing. The feeling. He wanted to puke. He shoved Keith off, feeling angry wiping his mouth. "What the hell!?" Lance screamed shoving him again, Keith looked at him with equally angry expression with confusion.

"What the hell? What the hell was that, why did you shove me?"

"You kissed me!"

"You wanted it!"

"You don't know that," Lance gritted his teeth and then fists.

"I read the moment, you leaned in. That was supposed to happen."

"YOU HAVE TO ASK ME!" Lance yelled finally the tears followed.

"Excuse me, why?"

"Because-" Lance started to sob. "I thought you were going to be the first person to care how I felt, who wouldn't… I thought I was finally going to be able to even get the chance to say yes."

"Jesus, how many people are you sleeping with to make you feel like that- fuck what you think of me- you know what?" Keith got up, looking down at him. "Shiro was right, you are kind of a slut." Keith turned away leaving, he too had tears but he hid them wiping his face as he left the door.

Lance sat on the ground covering his face, shoulders shaking. He lost the last person he had hope in, he had no one.

No one to hear his cries, or understand why he was like this. He begged Keith to come back, but it was too late. Keith stormed out of his life, just like how he stormed into his life that day saving Shiro at the Garrison.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Domestic Violence Support](https://www.acf.hhs.gov/fysb/resource/help-fv)


	9. The Slut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Next few chapters are going to be very brutal and rough. I'm editing them to make them work into the ending, which may be longer than the original 16 chapters. 
> 
> This does follow the events of season 6, and quantum abyss and black paladins. There's going to be a rift between people, which may come to a shocker in the ending.
> 
> It's meant to set up for the events that happen returning to Earth. 
> 
>  
> 
> Things are going to get very bad for Lance in chapter 9/10. There will be a suicide attempt, rape, and graphic bodily torture. 
> 
> I wanted to warn because these next few chapters feel out of place, from his involvement with Keith, and it's arch. With him gone, there is a new arch that takes place. Finding the right connection that flows, that makes sense to the flow. Reworking and building more on the arch in place. So bare while it's being constructed. I will be leaving a teaser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next few chapters are going to be very brutal and rough. I'm editing them to make them work into the ending, which may be longer than the original 16 chapters. 
> 
> This does follow the events of season 6, and quantum abyss and black paladins. There's going to be a rift between people, which may come to a shocker in the ending.
> 
> It's meant to set up for the events that happen returning to Earth. 
> 
>  
> 
> Things are going to get very bad for Lance in chapter 9/10. There will be a suicide attempt, rape, and graphic bodily torture. 
> 
> I wanted to warn because these next few chapters feel out of place, from his involvement with Keith, and it's arch. With him gone, there is a new arch that takes place. Finding the right connection that flows, that makes sense to the flow. Reworking and building more on the arch in place. So bare while it's being constructed. I will be leaving a teaser.

Lance felt like his heart was ripped from his body, impossible to pull himself out of bed anymore. Keith would be on the monitors about a few hours before he was to leave, he refused to look at Lance. It sent an arrow through his body, barely able to function at all. Unable to speak without shaking and a lisp. Too nervous to say anything anymore, so much fear filled him to his bones. Anxiety made him scream with night terrors pulling at Keith’s sheet, hysterical crying hoping to take it all back. Promising to never push Keith, Keith can do anything to him, just never leave him alone. He can’t do this anymore, his body shrank into himself.

Hunk noticed, how Lance would fall over to a gush of wind, or find him puking after dinner unable to keep food down. His body rejected everything now, Hunk tried to force him to eat. Lance not allowed to leave the room until he finished his plate like a stubborn child. He begged to not let him eat, he’ll get sick. Shiro grabbed the back of his head as Allura shoved goo down his throat. Instantly coughing and vomiting over himself, Hunk had to run out seeing that making himself sick.

This was a new routine, force-feeding Lance even of he puked it up again. Despite his screams and cries to get away. The upside, Shiro was so focused on trying to make Lance eat and well not die that he didn’t touch him. He left him alone for at least a week now, Lance started to gain hope the phase was over. Shiro was bored with him, what more could he do to Lance? He’s done everything, things Lance never even thought of.

Although he had stopped, for now, Lance’s fears at night were too much for his weak body. His breathing weak and heavy, shiver from being so cold, and when he had panic attacks at night his body shut down causing him to wet himself. Scared because he feels like the first time, unable to move, releasing himself making him feel so gross and pathetic. He tried to do research on it, embarrassed to ask Coran what it means to be almost 18 and being a bedwetter? Lance screamed at himself, he would make fun of someone like him, but now he knows to not judge someone might be going through a lot.

After the 4th night of staying awake to prevent himself from peeing in bed, now sleeping in the bathtub, because he had no control over his bladder. He was worried his prostate was the issue, Shiro was too hard, and it always hurt for hours after. He’s been torn there a few times, and going to the bathroom or showering he’ll bleed now and then.

He needed something to just make it all stop, his heartbreak from the rape to humiliation. He wants it to stop, all of it. Numb. He found Coran working on repairs with Pidge, he started to shake trying to use his voice at the two not noticing him. “Uhmm…” Lance squeaked but cringed at the pain in his throat. “Coran?” He tried to speak up reaching his hand out to tap, but his brain showed him, Coran, attacking him if he tried. 

He tapped his shoulder, jumped back covering his face expecting a punch. Instead, he looked between his fingers like a scared child watching a movie, at the smiling kind man twirling his mustache. “Yes, Paladin?”

“Can I borrow you for a moment in the medical bay?” Lance asked scared of hearing no or another rejection. Another I’m too busy, go away. Instead, Coran turned to Pidge who said they got it covered Coran go help, Lance. Lance walked in silence as Coran tried speaking to him, complimenting his fighting improvement but his actual health needs improvement.

“Where did you get those worms? Those weird brain ones?”

“That Unilu from the vets' hospital, why?”

“I was wondering with there’s stuff to help with anxiety? Like maybe even some mental and physical numbing thing? This is seriously getting out of hand... I’m hurting the team like this. I need help. I…” Lance started to sob, covering his face. “I don’t know what I am doing wrong, I try so hard. I just want people to stop being so mad at me, why do I make people hate me so much? I just want this feeling to stop-” Lance felt arms around him, feeling fuzzing bristles against his face. Lance shook as Coran held him, held him the way his dad might… maybe the way Coran used to hold his son. “Okay… let’s go get you some help.”

Lance wiped a tear from his eyes, “thank you… thank you so much.”

 

* * *

 

“...So you need something, for the thin pretty one?” The old Unilu smirked at Lance, making him coware back. Maybe this was a bad idea. “These are especially poppy seeds, these suckers will have you on cloud 9 for days. Some small it’s lucky seeds, nothing bad happens on them.”

“Nothing bad happens?” Lance asked slowly.

“Nothing you feel at least, everything is just a normal day. Rolls off your back.”

“What do you want for them?” Lance jumped forward reaching for the orange bottle. Coran pulling his hand away, explaining it’s a trick.

“I’ll take your firstborn.”

“How about 10 GAC?”

“2,000 GAC?”

“15??”

 

* * *

 

Lance held the bottle tight to his chest, as he popped the cap. Looking at himself in the mirror, taking on the little pod before taking it to his teeth to chew. It popped in his mouth filling his mouth with a bitter powder making him cough. Taking his rinse cup next to his toothbrush, swishing water before swallowing it down. Coran pulled a few strings for these, he wasn’t going to waste a speck.

He zipped himself up, skipping his way to the bridge, things that felt grey began to bring color back. The bridge about a mission, some Sin City, Casino Royal, Strip scene. He got excited, hearing about their disguises and missions. Allura and Lance were to take the casino pretending to be a rich couple, Shiro was their security. Hunk and Pidge were to work on camera and operating systems.

Lance playfully wrapped his arm over Allura, not an ounce bothered by Shiro’s glare and Allura’s disgruntled expression. She led Lance to her room, pulling out a suit similar to hers. Altean colors of golds, white, and blue. She sat him on the bed, shaking her head at his goofy grin. Taking a paintbrush to his cheekbones, making little blue crescents. 

“Look away,” She pushed him playfully walking behind him as he closed his eyes, covering his eyes with his hands. He listened to her clothes rustle, couldn’t stop himself chuckling knowing Allura was naked behind him. “Okay, you can open-” he quickly span around hoping for well boobs… close enough. She wore a beautiful gold sparkly cocktail dress, holding her hair up. “Zip me?” Lance jumped up like a happy puppy. “Yes, ma’am!” Zipping her up, getting a nice view of her spine all the way up. Just thinking... He pouted, Lotor got to have that with her. He’s seen all of her, but he shook the thought away. Allura was happy, that’s all he cared about. He was over her, well mostly. His heart currently sore from Keith’s, making his feelings for her only an afterthought. “You look beautiful…” He hummed, she turned patting his cheek. “Thank you, Lance. I say this suit is very complimentary as well.”

“Of course,  _ it’s on me _ ,” they both chuckled. Lance laughed softer though in his hand when he reopened his eyes Allura looked at him disturbed. “What?” He stopped laughing scared about what he did wrong now.

“Your eyes- Lance… are you intoxicated?” She got closer into his eyes, seeing them dilated and getting veiny. “What no?”

“Don’t lie to me, what did you take?” She grabbing him by the gold tie. Lance whimpered, looking side to side. “I look a poppy seed, it’s to help me. I’m medicated, I promise! I didn’t drink nunvil or anything.”

“You are on drugs!” She yelled at him, he shook his head wanting to get out of her grip. God, Allura, and her Wonder Woman strength. “Compromise the mission doing this!”

“Please… for once I’m okay. Please, I can do this. Believe in me, I want to be better… please, I want to be part of this team. I need to be.” She let go of him, shoving him harshly towards the door, following close behind him. He rubbed his neck, he watched as Allura told the team the new problem. “Well… it goes well with his character, being like a high sleazebag in a casino. He’ll blend in better, also he is super giggly not being all alone anymore.” Pidge stated looking at Lance. “To be honest this is the most healthy he looks in a long time, I think whatever this drug is, it’s helping him not be well… more of a fuck up.”

“Thanks…” Lance said feeling that backhand compliment hard. Making plans change to Shiro watching Lance more, Lance wondered if he is just goofy on this and happy. Well, sex feels good… he bet sex would feel great. “Aw…” He wrapped his arms over Shiro’s shoulders. “I get a sexy babysitter-” Shiro shoved him off, gaining a pout from Lance.

 

* * *

 

“ _ Do feel that? _ ” Shiro breathed into his neck, Lance humming softly. “Not one bit…” Lance smiled with happy tears on his face. Gaining another shove against the bathroom wall again but harder. He lost his breath but it didn’t hurt, it was dull felt like getting hit by a foam sword. “Fuck!” Lance cheered. “I can’t feel the pain anymore!”

Shiro was getting upset more hearing this, throwing Lance flat on the counter with the sinks. Pulling out, but pulled Lance’s pants all the way off. Lance chuckling like an idiot, rose-colored vision. In his eyes, Shiro looked at him the same way Keith used to. Like he loved Lance like he was everything. Lance moaned watching Shiro hold his feet. PAIN. Lance jumped trying to kick, letting out a scream of pain. Shiro held his ankle tight in one hand while the other began pulling out his toenails. Lance’s blood hurdle scream as blood started to pool over his shaking foot and over the floor. His vision was white, as the last toenail was pulled off. Shiro pulled off, washing the blood off his hands. Redressing Lance, who shook sitting on the counter. “You’re a monster…” Lance whimpered, stumbling trying to stand, blood filling the white boots making red seep through and leave a trail as he stepped. 

He held his sides walking to the rendezvous point with the team, unable to walk right. He stepped weird, and when Allura looked at the floor she stopped Lance. “You are bleeding!”

“It’s okay… that happens.” He tried to step again. The team looked over at Shiro. “What happened, you were supposed to protect him!”

“I ugh… Those shoes must be too tight on him.” Lance huffed, the team didn’t buy it, but they didn’t push at this moment. Needing to leave.

 

Sitting in his room, cleaning his toes. Wrapping ace and bandaids over him, they were swollen, and he could only walk on his heels. He took another poppy, slipping out confidently to return to the party scene on the planet. Easy, get in pod. Start pod. Leave. Boom, he was there. The thing with the seeds is he lost memory and forgot what was happening, it was like he was high. Lance stepped into the club, making the first bad mistake with the pills, taking whatever the guy next to him gave him. He gulped it down, as he got another. He didn’t understand a word he was saying, he was cute… he thinks, in a weird erotic 90s neon colors and shapes. Moving around and changing colors and morphed as he spoke like water. Yeah… he spoke like he talking underwater. The jelly person turned into well… Keith... well not Keith, he was confused. The man grabbed his hand pulling him towards the back door, pushing Lance into a very dark corner by a very loud speaker. His ears screamed, mixed with pills, and drinks, now many many hands over him. Keith had like 8 hands, one moving under his jeans wrapping fingers over Lance’s cock. Lance moaned rolling his head back against the giant speaker. Of course… they were going to fuck, the speaker is so no one can hear. Smart shapeshifter…

The other hands moving under his clothes, nipples, thighs, arms, heavy lips on his neck. “Keith…” He moaned again wrapping his arms over what felt like a lava lamp, no real grab, but held Lance fine. Lowering his jeans more as he worked Lance faster, fingers slipping inside Lance. Causing him to shake. “Wa- Wait… I’m going to pee!” As the fingers stroked him and grazed over gently over his sweet spot. He screamed, rocking his hips, unable to push him off because it was just morphing. Feeling it again, he rolled his head back groaning scared to pee in front of someone. They didn’t stop, but to his shock, he didn’t… He came. It spilled on the clubs black floor, he was turned around, feeling something bigger replaced the fingers. “Oh- OH!” He moaned, clawing at the black box, the heavy beat against his chest. Each thrust was just as powerful of the base. He rolled his head back, eyes going so far back. This incredible high, feeling himself lift up. He has turned on again, he never gets it up after sex or even during. Cumming twice he thought was a myth, but here he was getting sore bobbing up. This person fucking him all over. His breathing got heavier, holding himself up against the box, moaning wildly. Watching the new hands stroke him fully to life. “Oh god… Please, can I die now, nothing can feel this good again…” He chuckled, a quick shock of a thrust causing a moan to escape him. Then it was just kinda permanently numb like he was falling asleep. He couldn’t feel it anymore, getting soft again, he did feel the sharp pull out of him. The guy was yanked out, Lance slid to the floor. Leaning against the box, it was so dark. He could barely make out the white locks, and two men arguing. He grunted being lifted over a shoulder, stormed out of the club.

“Shiro?” Lance moaned sleepily, Shiro huffed ignoring him. Holding him dragging him inside the castle, into Keith’s room. Tossing him on the cold floor of the bathroom. “You well fucked?” He spat, Lance rolled his head to the side, seeing Keith’s coat on the hanger right outside the door. No… not here. Not this place, one place he wasn’t hurt in. His place. He hears rustling around in the bathroom. “Where are they!?” Shiro screamed at him, searching in the medicine cabinets, before pulling Lance to the toilet by the hair. Holding his head right above as he shoved the metal fingers into his mouth, making Lance cough and gag. “Come on, you’ve gotten good at this, puke them up until you slut.” He pushed and shoved more into Lance’s mouth, until Lance threw up, the light blue substance. He breathed hard, wiping his mouth. 

Fingers still in his hair, he felt his ass slide against the floor as his hair pulled him into the room. Hands on his waist tossing him on the bed.

He watched the blur of Shiro’s shadow, go back into the bathroom. He held something in his fingers, as his dark body hovered over his legs. Stripping his legs bare, holding his wrapped feet. He felt a piercing pain in the flesh of his inner thigh, the burn that came after. Feeling blood droplets start to seep out down his leg onto the sheets. The small blade tugged hard and fast, causing blood to splatter over his shirt and more sheets. He carved and thrashed his legs to shreds. Shaking in pain, it stung so bad. Trying to close his legs, when Shiro grabbed his dick. He begged not there, he gasped as Shiro’s hand lathered in blood as lube. Slicking him in the ruby liquid. Lance tried to see through the dizziness, he arched his back up feeling Shiro’s mouth lick and sucked the blood off his body. His head bobbing up and down, as he squeezed Lance’s thighs causing the blood to pour out faster onto the bed. His back now feeling wet knowing full well the blood had seeped into the mattress. 

Shiro popped off, looking down at Lance with hungry eyes and bloodstained mouth. “Just so you remember next time, who you belong to.” Getting up leaving Lance with those words echoing in his head, worried what Shiro carved into him now. Unable to see with the blood, he rolled back passing out from seeing the blood caked over his half-naked body. He hoped this was the end.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Donate to THORN  
> Thorn: Digital Defenders of Children, previously known as DNA Foundation, is an international anti-human trafficking organization that works to address the sexual exploitation of children. (Non-Profit)  
> [www.thorn.org](https://www.thorn.org/)


End file.
